Let’s recap how our usual Labor Day grill-outs, barbecues, and parties go: We make lazy person plans to “maybe do something” with people that weekend. We wake up that day, probs hungover from the night before (hello, three-day weekend!). We think to ourselves “Oh, crap on a stick we’re having people over in five hours and we are NOT PREPARED.” We rush to the store, pick up whatever prepackaged foods we can find and well, more booze, rush home, pick up the shit we left all over the floor, make our beds, attempt to shower and look like a well-kept human being, pour ourselves a big ol’ glass of wine, and then put said prepackaged foods on a plate while guests come in.
Folks, we can do better than this — and so can you.
We know you want to pretend to be
Bobby Flay or Amanda Cohen this Labor Day weekend and whip out all the stops, but we need to be realistic. So we swear, these recipes are only borderline difficult and time-consuming. (Because we know you need to get your drink on just as much as we do.) We got some drool-worthy recipes from our chef friends ( Art Smith! Charlie Palmer! Duff Goldman!) to do the work for us, and then we’ll kick back with a few of those Berry Spritzers and whiskey cocktails. Get on it, Labor Day partiers.
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8. Joe Biden
plenty of reasons for be grateful for "Uncle Joe" this Thanksgiving. Not only does the vice president provide endless fodder for comedy by saying generally hilarious things, but many believe he's one of the reasons President Obama advanced his (completely opportunistic but much-needed) "evolution" on gay marriage.
In May, Biden came out supporting gay marriage on Meet the Press, which conflicted with the administration's long-standing ambiguous view on the matter. But days later, Obama went on national TV and admitted that he now supports same-sex marriage -- an "evolution" that comforted gay rights activists.
7. Departure of Reps. Kucinich & Frank
The departure of these two highly-principled members of Congress means two less Democratic congressmen willing to call out their own party for being hypocrites on issues from the drug war to the surveillance state to indefinite detention. At least there's still
Jared Polis... but he is one drop of water in a vast ocean... so fear not, Dems.
6. Nate Silver
The statistics nerd was right all along! While he was predicting,
with great certainty, that President Barack Obama had a 75%+ chance of winning re-election, conservative pundits on every cable network lambasted him as an "ideologue" and one of those newfangled nerds that bases his predictions on statistical analysis rather than partisan feelings.
By being correct, not only does that mean the Democratic candidate won the election, but for several days it meant that conservative blowhards had to plant their foot firmly in mouth. There's nothing like watching Nate Silver Dick Morris apologize for being dead wrong.
5. Gen. David Petraeus
The below cartoon says it all. Gen.
David Petraeus putting his penis where it didn't belong effectively redirects any potential anti-CIA outrage away from the creeping militarization of the agency under this administration, in addition to its use of a top-secret "kill list." Yay!
4. Todd Akin & Richard Mourdock
The Democrats retained control of the Senate this year, practically ensuring that ObamaCare (also known as the Republican-created-but-now-hated corporate welfare for insurance companies) will be the law of the land for at least several years to come.
How'd they maintain control? There are a number of reasons, but two of them are named Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock. The GOP Senate candidates helped sink the Republicans by opening their mouths. Akin effectively killed his Missouri Senate run by starting the "legitimate rape" meme; Mourdock continued that self-destruction by saying pregnancies from rape are part of God's plan.
Be thankful: the Democratic Party now has its very own cable news network!
2. Rush Limbaugh, et al
, Rush Limbaugh , and other conservative firebrands have temporarily turned the focus of their hatred away from the president and onto their own party's "moderate" types... effectively creating a civil war that will likely continue for a while.
Who will emerge victorious? Limbaugh or Gov. Chris Christie? Levin or Bobby Jindal? or Glenn Beck Steve Schmidt? Grab the popcorn!
1. Mitt Romney
Sure, on print, President Obama won the election. But face it:
Mitt Romney lost the election. Be thankful for him and one of the most bungled presidential campaigns in recent memory.
Sitting around doing nothing while waiting for that turkey to finish cooking? Then check out the companion piece:
. The Top 8 Reasons For Republicans To Be Thankful This Thanksgiving
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PHOTOS: 9 Chef-Tested And Approved Burger Recipes
Main image via Remington Camp Cooking by Charlie Palmer.