We were way on-board with GQ’s hilarious idea to irreverently round up the 25 Least Significant Figures of 2012 (in no particular order, of course, “because all zeros are created equal”) with Mitt Romney not-topping the non-list, until they turned it into a show of their manliness. According to the listicle, “only GQ possesses the iron testicles to count down the twenty-five least significant men and women of 2012.” Boys, boys. Bitchiness is not an exclusively male quality. And we’re pretty sure you can run a men’s magazine without assigning gender to every little thing. This is why we don’t read women’s magazines. But we digress.
Also on the list, nestled between Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer and Keith Olbermann was none other that the Mayor of Flavortown, Guy Fieri. Unfortunately, this excerpt is not the most humiliating thing to be written about Guy Fieri in 2012:
This year the white-trash fusion chef opened his flagship Manhattan restaurant, featuring a pork shank that was cooked like one giant piece of General Tso’s chicken and a menu that explicitly declared, “Go big or go home!” Crush that shank, you guys! I’d wager that 90 percent of his customers that first night were foodies planning to review the place ironically. The other 10 percent were tourists for whom Turkey Tequila Fettuccine represents the apex of molecular gastronomy. Oooh, a whole lamb bathed in Cheetos dust! FANCY.
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