Ain’t nobody know wine in this world better than Joe Bastianich, which made him the perfect candidate to evaluate the new Provençal rosé produced by Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. But seeing as the Jolie-Pitt couple are the embodiments of perfection, we naturally wanted them to fail at wine-making, so we could laugh and laugh at their failures, and feel better about our inadequate, non-celebrity lives. (If we had $60 million and bought a vineyard, and if we’d collaborated with one of the top vintners in France, our wine wouldn’t suck. Pshaw.)
We’re also sure that Vanity Fair is run by fallible human beings, too, which is why, after they asked him to drink a bottle of the sold-out wine, they likely didn’t expect Bastianich to like it.
“This is a legitimate wine,” Bastianich actually said, despite the fact that he also described the Miraval wine as “fluorescent, Hello Kitty pink”, with a nose of ” macerated wild strawberries, confectionary sugars, and strawberry or raspberry PEZ, like the candy.” But just as every Jolie-Pitt child has a unique country of origin, so does every wine have its place to be quaffed:
If it were sitting in Eze [France, in the eastern Riviera] on the beach, having it ice cold, it would be really great. You definitely have to have it outdoors — with sunny, good weather — in either Malibu or Eze. [Brad and Angelina] are making very terroir-driven wines, in my opinion—the terroir of Malibu!
He also added that this wine seemed to be perfect for the Jolie-Pitt jetsetting lifestyle: “the fact that they made Côtes de Provence rosé is a little bit obvious — I mean, what else would they make? But it’s what they drink and what all their friends drink, and it makes sense.”
What also makes sense: Joe Bastianich would really like to be friends with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.
Have a tip we should know? firstname.lastname@example.org