CNN: And by “teensy,” we mean “Allegations of maggots, excessive bacteria and illegal additives have plagued China’s biggest meat products company, Shuanghui International, since at least 2011.” And now they want to buy America’s biggest meat products company, Smithfield Foods. Heeeeey, tofu, how’s it hanging?
Gawker: A man was sentenced to 50 years in federal prison after stealing a rack of ribs, which, apart from being a blistering example of the failures of America’s prison system, is way too much time to smoke those ribs. They’re just gonna get really hard, guys. No one wants to eat dried-out ribs.
What’s The Vibe Like?: Oh god, we’re in love with this Tumblr where people prank-call the most pretentious bars in Brooklyn and ask questions like “Will Beyonce, The Clintons, or [the cast of] Girls be filming out there tonight?” (Answer: “…Yes, they’ll all be filming.”)
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