Step away from the treadmill and put down that kale salad, immediately. According to a study cited in The Atlantic, researchers found signs of probable or definite atherosclerosis in 34 percent of 137 mummies studied using CT scans. Wait a minute, there, Michelle Obama. How did mummies get the artery clogging condition we’ve long blamed on our gluttony and slothiness? Did King Tutenkhamun have access to Paula Deen’s repertoire of delicacies? Absolutely not. Did Juanita “The Ice Maiden” spend her weekends planted in front of Top Chef season after season? No, she didn’t. So why must we deny ourselves these (fattening and potentially life-threatening) luxuries of modern life?
Oh. Hold on, The Atlantic explains:
The mummified Egyptians, [the study’s authors] write, were likely to have been wealthy, and therefore probably consumed a lot of saturated fat. This is in fact not the first time that hardened arteries were identified in Egyptian mummies. And yet the Unangans, of the Aluetian Islands in Alaska, subsisted almost entirely on marine life. They, and the other mummies, were preserved naturally through climate factors, not because they had attained any special status that would have privileged them with extra-rich foods.
One of the authors, Randall Thompson, went on to say, “we found that heart disease is a serial killer that has been stalking mankind for thousands of years.”
Okay then. Back to the treadmill with you.
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