Ottavia Bourdain Greets Her Friends By Wrestling Them, Because Of Course
We are a little concerned with the Brazilian jiu-jitsu obsession that’s overcome Ottavia Bourdain, Anthony Bourdain’s beautiful, graceful and perfect wife (ohgodpleasedon’tcrushus). In an interview with VICE, she freely admits that she might be “a little crazy” about the intense sport, which she picked up a year and a half ago.
How crazy, one might ask? We don’t really have a Bourdain Insanity Spectrum in our back pocket (though that might be useful one day), but try this on for size:
Now I can’t go on vacation unless there’s an academy I can practice at. I rarely drink and I mostly eat consciously to keep a healthy body. I dream about BJJ most nights, vividly; I hip escape a lot in my sleep. A couple of times I’ve jumped guard on unsuspecting friends, to their understandable dismay. Sometimes, without realizing it, I start speaking with a funky, quasi- Brazilian accent (my husband finds this particularly disturbing). I have Zebra mats in my apartment. And a grappling dummy. My bedroom has piles of Gis and rash guards and instructional videos in every corner. I’ve become a hoarder.
This is jumping guard. It looks useful for fending off attackers, and not for greeting friends:
That excerpt above also ignores the parts where she counts how many bones she’s broken/fractured, muscles she’s pulled, and shoes she’s stopped buying. (Not buying shoes anymore? The Grand High Ovary Inquisition hereby excommunicates you from Girlyness. May God have mercy on your soles.)