OH GOD, MORE SNOW.
Frankly, the only solution to our snowpocalypse/snowmageddon/
bombgenesis (?!) woes we could think of to pass the time was looking through all of our favorite snow-inspired molecular gastronomy creations. Please don’t start playing with liquid nitrogen canisters in your kitchen at home as a result of looking at these, because we don’t know how long it will take an ambulance to come for you if you accidentally freezeburn your tongue off. But do look at these whimsical culinary winterscapes and fantasize that the outside world is your edible snow oyster, by all means.
There's no cross domain hackery or tracking voodoo, it's just some sweet jQuery animations.
Please, think of the animations.
In the meantime, enjoy the html version below. I guess. If that's your thing.
Number One: Perry Calls the Turks Terrorists, Initiates International Incident
The first chink in Rick Perry's armor was always his debate performance. His early supporters
were disheartened to see him look alternately bored, sleepy, and confused. Not exactly the Romney killer they were expecting. And some of his answers were...interesting. And, during what we now know is Perry's last debate, he gave us a doozy. He called Turkey's leaders Islamic terrorists, said they should be kicked out of NATO, and started an international incident with the nation's leaders calling his comments "unfortunate" and its media simply calling him an "idiot". We call this "going out strong."
Number Two: Perry Gets Asked Question he Doesn't Know the Answer to, Tries to Answer it Anyway
Ah, here's the gaffe that inspired my beer drinking comments I mentioned before.
During a town hall meeting, Perry was asked about a Supreme Court case and clearly didn't know what it was. However, he decided to try to answer it anyway. The result was a two and half minute bit of rambling that seemed to come straight out of an uncomfortable episode of The Office. Perry could have just admitted he didn't remember the case (he came close a couple times) and moved on. After all, he's only human, we don't expect him to remember everything (we'll disregard the fact that this case was an important one from his own state). He didn't though, and gaffe fans will thank him for it.
Number Three: Uh...
The third oopsiest moment is...uh...something about Perry's...the thing with the...huh. I seem to have forgotten this one. We'll come back.
Number Four: Perry Compares the Oppression of Gays to the Oppression of...Christian School Children
From the beginning of the campaign, it appeared that the far right religious fundamentalists in America had two Dick's (or Richard's, or Rick's) to choose from; Santorum or Perry. When Perry began the race, he was
coming off strong from a huge (and hugely controversial) prayer rally. However, in the time that followed, he didn't seem to focus as much on socially conservative areas as one might have expected. But, as he began to dip, his campaign made the decision to go back at it hard with a video called "Strong" that ended up being one of the most poorly received ads of the past few years. In it, Perry tries to claim that there's something wrong in America because gays can join the military but schoolchildren aren't allowed to celebrate Christmas. Um...what?
Unlike the other gaffes on this list, this ad didn't inspire jovial laughs and talk show jokes. It inspired absolute fury. The ad quickly became one of the most disliked videos on the entirety of YouTube and, for the week that followed, it was completely obliterated by the Internet. Even people who weren't following the campaign now knew Perry's name...and they didn't like him.
Number Five: Perry Gives Speech, Nation Wonders If He's Drunk
Here was the first gaffe that
people assumed would end Perry's campaign. As we know, it wouldn't be the last.
Perry, who had been dinged for appearing stiff and not engaging during debates, tried to rectify that at a Cornerstone event. He gave a 25 minute speech where he told jokes, made funny voices, and appeared to have a great time. Good, right? No. Within hours, the country was wondering aloud if he was drunk, on pills, or suffering from a mental disorder. Exactly the kind of president we're looking for.
Number Three (Second Try): Perry's World Famous 'Oops' Moment
Ah, now I remember what the third one was!
We've already talked a bit about Perry's debate troubles, but this was the moment that crystallized his whole campaign. This was the gaffe rubicon. There was no coming back from this one.
When asked which three governmental agencies he would end, Perry quickly named the first two and then just stopped. He scrambled for a few moments, desperately attempting to remember the third one. Ron Paul even tried to help him out. And then, like manna from Comedy Heaven, he offered up the one word heard 'round the world; "oops."
The moment became an absolute phenomenon. Talk show hosts were laughing about it, the other candidates were laughing about it, Perry himself was laughing about it. However, in the midst of all the fun, the "oops" moment bolstered talk that maybe Perry just wasn't ready for this.
This story was originally published in 2013.
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