Everything I Know About Cars I Learned From Everything Except Cars

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off 1961 Ferrari 250 GT A few weeks ago, we were reminded just how many people loved this movie after the sudden passing of John Hughes — and one of the best-loved movies is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, where our hero manages to turn joyriding in his best friend’s dad’s car into a catalyst for that friend to find self-actualization through assertion of his own independence, in the form of one well-placed kick. Or something. The point is, who doesn’t love seeing a shiny new car trashed? Especially when it less about trappings than a trap – the trap of young Cameron in the prison of his father’s expectations. Or something. Whatever, shake it up baby, now. Taking your friend’s dad’s Ferrari for a spin is always cool.

Cannonball Run, Ensemble I am starting to feel like this post is revealing too much about me, because what I remember most about Cannonball Run is how the two hot chicks avoided a speeding ticket by pulling the zippers on their bodysuit down low. Cleavage! Apparently it can be very helpful. Who knew. Also: Burt Reynolds was very sexy in his day, wasn’t he? I know from Wikipedia that there was a subtext about pitting Euro-sports cars against American muscle cars against an ambulance, but yeah, you got me, I just really only wanted to use this poster. Onward.

Knight Rider KITT (Hasselhoff edition) “Michael. Michael.” Oddly, that’s what I remember most about old-school Knight Rider: Dr. Mark Craig chiding David Hasselhoff as surely as if he were Ed Begley Jr. I know I am mixing TV shows here (probably because this post is happening inside the mind of an autistic child), but it is really the voice of William Daniels as rendered through the pulsing red LCD screen of KITT, the eponymous ride of the above-referenced Knight. Also the theme song.

The Sound of Music, 1939 Horch 830 What does The Sound of Music have that Inglorious Basterds doesn’t have? Well, other than a jaunty soundtrack, heartwarming love story and seven adorable children, it also doesn’t have a kickass fuck-up-that-German-car-but-good scene. By nuns. Most awesomest Nazi movie car moment ever:
Sister Margaretta: Reverend Mother, I have sinned.
Sister Berthe: I, too, Reverend Mother.
Mother Abbess: What is this sin, my children?
The nuns look at each other, then comes the reveal from under their robes: various oily-looking car parts they have liberated from the Nazi fleet outside, as the sound of engines wheezing impotently fills the air. Cut to the Family Von Trapp, climbing the mountains into Switzerland, and freedom. Awesome singing nuns FTW!


Awesome research assistance provided by the horsepower-iffic Joe Coscarelli. Thanks also to Jalopnik for the vigorous debate!

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