Jersey Shore, Words Of Wisdom: “You Usually Don’t Have Sex With Your Big Brother”

recap/slideshow

by Steve Krakauer | 1:18 pm, October 15th, 2010

» 15 comments

The Situation was eliminated on Dancing With The Stars this week, and to make matters worse, this episode of Jersey Shore features him failing miserably with a girl from “Canadia.”

Snooki makes an incest joke, Vinny gets “pot-committed” and Pauly D comes to the realization his wingman is a total douchebag.

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Snooki's Line Of The Season

After The Situation abandons the guidettes of the house emotionally, he physically does as well - flipping out and cabbing home with the boys. In the morning, he's remorseful. "For Mike to admit he was wrong, that’s fine with me," says Snooki. "That’s all I wanted." Meanwhile, Snooki reflects on life with Vinny, who she has come to regard as a "big brother" figure. One small note though. "You usually don’t have sex with your big brother," she says. Usually, of course. Just usually.

This Girl's A Whore

Jwoww is excited to go out like she does in New York City - where the party doesn't start until 1am and goes until 2pm. To mark the occasion, she dresses like a stripper. But not just any stripper. This is the description from Snooki, who means all this in the best way possible: "I’m like, this girl’s a fucking whore. But that’s why I love her. She looks so good. She looks like the ultimate stripper and she’s very hot."

Pauly D's Realization

At the club, The Situation picks on a group of "wannabe guidos," and eventually gets everyone kicked out in "less than an hour." Pauly D, sensing an opportunity for redemption, grabs two attractive girls for him and The Situation and makes a beeline for the house. Sitch goes into shady aggressive mode ("you’re awful" his girl actually says while in bed), before her friend informs the room Sitch's girl "doesn’t drink and she doesn’t hook up with people." Sitch just wants her to sleep on the couch and leave him alone. "Joking around’s ok, but he was like being dead serious," says Pauly D. As Sitch reels in asshole mode, Pauly D stares into space and says: "Hm." It's like a light just switched on - maybe my buddy Mike Sorrentino is a total douchebag. Pauly D's girl tells Sitch, "You’re cock-blocking on the whole world right now," which was strangely how he got eliminated this week on Dancing With The Stars. More from Pauly D: "Mike could not play wingman for me. I need somebody that knows how to take one for the team or entertain a grenade, or even decipher the bomb if one comes. You know what I mean? it’s a war out there." The next morning, he tells Vinny, "I needed you last night, bro." It's a changing of the wingman guard!

Vinny Gets Pot-Committed

While Sitch self-destructs, Vinny is still incomprehensibly riding high with Ramona. The guy who had zero game just three episodes ago, drops this winner while she's in his bed: "Can I be your pajamas? Wear me." Damn, Vinny! (Side note - very little nakedness on this season of JShore, but we see some legit naked back of Ramona). Vinny sums up his feelings: "I’m a little pot-committed and caught some feelings for her." "Like you're in love?" asks Sammi, who is so in love herself with the manimal Ronnie. SO in love.

Fire In Her Coocha

Because he is the Guido Bobby Flay, Sitch causes the fire department to come out and investigate his meal of steam. Jwoww enjoys this turn of events: "Please tell me they’re going to start stripping and get naked." Snooki, awakened from her dreams of pickle flavored Margarita buckets, says, "I would have smushed that, yes."

Of all the ridiculous fight-starting statements between Ronnie and Sammi, this one may be #1. After Vinny describes the type of girls he's been meeting in Miami, Sammi turns to her love and says, "I’m exotic looking right?" Ronnie: "You look Asian, I like it." This means war. You see, Ronnie's ex is Asian. and according to Sammi, "you just don’t say something like that to me." Ronnie is understanding. "I probably said blue when I should have said green," he tells the guidos.

The Hook Up Board

Earlier in the episode Pauly says, "We all know what Snook's coocha looks like." Attempting to put this comment into a formula, Jwoww gets up on the chalkboard in order to construct a "Hook Up Board." Like John Nash with enormous fake breasts, Jwoww starts the process. "We’re all gonna figure out if we’ve all swapped spit," she says. The conclusion? "Pretty much everybody has made out with everybody."

Even Girls From Canadia Don't Like This Situation

Two girls from "Canadia," according to Sitch, are interested in he and Pauly D, so they bring them home. After a quick blast of cologne down their pants, they are ready to make things happen. One girl has a fiancé, though and Sitch becomes the grenade of negativity that explodes all over Pauly's girl as well. "It’s like good cop bad cop with Mike," says Pauly D, exasperated, defeated, blue balled. "I could teach him a few things about being a wingman. For real." One episode left! See if Sitch can fail to hook up with a girl from yet another country.

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Jersey Shore, MTV, MTV's Jersey Shore, Snooki, The Situation

Harry Flashman

The Situation? What kind of ego driven imbecile refers to himself as The Situation? How about Slaqp My Face And Call Me Sally? That makes about as much sense.

By the way, who watches this infection? Do they use episodes of it for interrogation at Gitmo. “No more. PLEASE! No more Snookie or The Situation! I’ll talk, I’ll Talk!!!”

I’d rather have my eyes poked out with rusty nails. Are there any adults out there any more?

The Situation. Good Lord.
http://gordonbloyershow.com gordonbloyershow

Don’t forget they are all good liberal democrats. Just don’t ask and don’t tell or maybe in this case it is, just ask and we will tell ALL.
http://mediaite.com Steve Krakauer

Actually Gordon, Snooki is a Republican, who is a big McCain supporter.
justanotherconservative

this show is a true example of what is wrong with the infection called hollywood. enough already.
justanotherconservative

gordonbloyershow said:
Don’t forget they are all good liberal democrats. Just don’t ask and don’t tell or maybe in this case it is, just ask and we will tell ALL.

but who really wants to know??
http://gordonbloyershow.com gordonbloyershow

Steve Krakauer said:
Actually Gordon, Snooki is a Republican, who is a big McCain supporter.

LOL, McCain supporter. LOL, thats your idea of a GOOD republican? LOL
bealzebubba

Harry Flashman said:
The Situation? What kind of ego driven imbecile refers to himself as The Situation?

The kind that thrives off of people like you whom question it.

If you ignore them, they will go away.
Harry Flashman

Actually, I DO ignore them. Thast’s why I’m astonished when I see articles like this. I shouldn’t even comment but….I just can’t seem to help myself.
Corvax

I think South Park covered them quite well the other night.
Latin2

Snooki want smoosh, smoosh.
Latin2

Steve Krakauer said:
Actually Gordon, Snooki is a Republican, who is a big McCain supporter.

She is also Chilean by birth. So there were two Chilean stories in the news this week, the miners and Snooki
NORBIT

…and BaBa WaWa, as a long-standing representative of the Progressive Establishment HERALDS this show!
Floorplay

“Infection,” hell. It’s pandemic. You’re right, Steve; there ARE NO Democretins in Marlboro…nor in Marlborough…, NY. All five county legislators from that District are Republicrats.

Allan Wikman
Kingston, Ulster County, NY
http://www.facebook.com/people/Helen-Nordo/100000884291530 Helen Nordo

If these actors are Italian, I’ll stop eating Italian food. What is this nonsense? Is this the best TV they can put on lately? Why aren’t the italian people up in arms? Look, I lived in South Philly and never, in my entire life, did I ever see anyone as gross as these actors..somebody is attempting to fool us. If they are Italian, send them back to whatever Island they came from because..they make me sick! Now the “Tony Danzo” show was good, that made sense, this is true GARBAGE!! Put on re runs, you’d be better off!
Anonymous

kia soul