Media Worries About Lindsay Lohan’s Safety At The Hands Of Lesbian Criminals

by Glynnis MacNicol | 5:01 pm, July 13th, 2010

» 5 comments

I know, it sounds like the premise for a porno flick — and I am sure it will be at some point — but this is an actual story currently running on FoxNews.com. Except their hed is arguably better than mine: ‘Lesbian Prison Gangs Waiting to Get Hands on Lindsay Lohan, Report Says.’

What report, you ask? The ever-reliable UK newspaper The Sun, of course, which “reported” the story today with an even more graphic hed: ‘Everyone will want a piece of Lindsay. Women grab each other like animals when the guards aren’t looking.’

I was going to add to ours with the ‘This Exists’ label, but really, is any of this surprising? The real question to my mind is how can Rupert Murdoch hate the Internet so much when all of his media entities write such SEO friendly stories. More from the ‘story’ below.

Lindsay Lohan will leave her Hollywood pad next week and move into new digs at the Lynwood correctional facility in Los Angeles. But instead of wild showbiz parties and a plush double bed to curl up in afterwards, the actress will be locked up for 23 hours a day in a tiny cell with a rock-hard bunk and a single blanket.

Lohan’s A-list neighbors will be replaced with tough guards and fearsome lesbian gangs desperate to get their hands on her.

Lesbians, Lindsay Lohan, rupert murdoch, The State of Journalism

Jon Bershad

That video is amazing. I love how cheerfully she says the phrase “full cavity search.”
http://www.facebook.com/people/Dave-Noland/1343446359 Dave Noland

If I was a lesbian I’d be all over that.
Azarkhan

“My impression of Lindsay is that she’s a fragile lost child – a sleeping beauty with her head in the sand. I found her not fully forewarned of the consequence of her actions,” Stuart V. Goldberg, who was contacted by Lohan after her attorney resigned, tells PEOPLE.”

BTW, he refused to take her on as a client.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20401236,00.html
http://www.facebook.com/people/Caroline-Jelavich/707179868 Caroline Jelavich

I guess they’ll be slightly disappointed when she is put in a separate, private cell. Besides, I would have gone for Paris before Lindsay.
Nachi

Yup. Them Lesbians are a comin! Comin fer her/our guns too. Load up on xtra ammo, Bobby-Jean!!