RELATED: Red Eye Panel On Dr. Keith Ablow’s Defense Of Gingrich’s Cheating: ‘Pandering Slop’

The ACLU representative on top of this story argued that “adults can be prevented from doing research or just looking at an art gallery,” a premise with which host Greg Gutfeld had a bit of a problem, but McInnes countered that he was concerned about the definition of porn. “Who is defining what porn is? I get that kids shouldn’t see it, but it’s not hard to make monitors so that only the person seeing it could see it.”

Gutfeld then turned to Coulter, joking that she was outraged about the topic in the green room “and said you would move to Canada” if porn was not available on computers. She blamed the entire issue on liberals: “anything they like must be subsidized, anything they don’t like must be banned.” She argued that “getting off isn’t speech,” but liberals will defend it and be outraged by Citizens United. “If it’s normal porn, they sue because it’s harassment, but they will defend gay porn and anti-religious porn.” Bill Schulz, as the resident liberal, had to agree with at least one point: “I will never defend normal porn.”

When the topic returned during the Halftime Report, Andy Levy chimed in on Coulter’s point attacking liberals, noting that he agreed “that liberals have no problem banning things they don’t like, but so do conservatives.” Levy ends the segment on a high note, however: “My problem with lorises is that they look like Nancy Pelosi.”

The segment via Fox News below:

RELATED: Jon Stewart Dissects Gingrich Open Marriage Scandal: Open Your Legs, America

Ablow, who has been a guest on the show, suggested that the fact that “three women have met Mr. Gingrich and been so moved by his emotional energy and intellect that they decided they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with him” was an indication that Gingrich was awesome (Ablow tellingly did not comment on the moral quality of the second two women, who were mistresses before they were wives). Panelist Matthew McCall was the only one who attempted a defense of some sort of this thesis. “What he is trying to say… he was in a marriage, wasn’t happy, found something better,” which showed a “stern ability to make a decision,” he argued. “You left out that convenient overlapping of the relationships, Greg Gutfeld noted. He then turned to Joe DeRosa, and asked what he imagined having Ablow as a psychiatrist would be like, besides him telling you that everything you do wrong is good, because “it’s proof that you’re capable of getting away with it.”

DeRosa summed it up as “asinine” and “insane,” and Remy Spencer jumped in to add that “there’s absolutely nothing to this point,” as “woman are attracted to men who are in positions of power– they don’t even have to be good-looking or that wealthy.” DeRosa later returned to call the whole thing “right-wing desperation” and insist, “I don’t think this guy believes this.” Bill Schulz, the final one to weigh in, called the whole thing “pandering slop” that made sense in the context of Gingrich’s original excuse for his horrible moral history: that he had cheated on his wives because he loved America.

The segment via Fox News below:

Andy Levy played a montage that could double as a Tumblr page titled “Newt Gingrich and his Animal Friends.” And then, in an incredibly confusing segway, Levy brought up new statistics showing millions of voters are leaving the Republican and Democratic parties in droves out of frustration in the two-party system. Of course, in keeping with the theme, the analysis was paired with a video of a literal fat cat.

RELATED: How Does Rick Perry Relax? By Shooting Off Sniper Rifles. ‘It’s My Golf’

The Daily Caller’s Jamie Weinstein thought the pets initiative was a good way for Gingrich to show his “aww” side, but thought the campaign’s other announcement, that Callista Gingrich will be releasing a video about music education in tandem with her husband’s campaign, was just weird. Bear in mind that Mrs. Gingrich plays the French horn, so there’s still a coolness factor to be reckoned with here.

Country music singer Larry Gatlin suggested that “Pets with Newt” is just a shameless way to pander to Canine-Americans, but on a more serious note he argued that in a time of high unemployment and massive uncertainty in the job market, an initiative to show a presidential candidate’s “light side” might not be the best move for a campaign to make. Remi Spencer agreed, adding that people tend not to judge who gets to be the next leader of the free world based on adorability.

Bill Schulz thought the very notion of a humanized candidate was counterintuitive, positing that he would be more likely to give his vote to a robotic candidate like Optimus Prime. (Though if the rumors are true and Mitt Romney turns out to be a robot, that would be a hard ticket to beat.)

RELATED: Report: Donald Trump Officially Switches Party From Republican To ‘Unaffiliated’

As for the millions more independents not labeling themselves as part of the two major parties, Weinstein ascribed some of the change to the concept of being “independent” sounding cooler and more intelligent to others. Schulz thought it a novel concept that people might actually vote for who they like instead of who party leaders want them to. The biggest consensus the panel reached was that the chances of a third-party candidate winning the White House any time soon are slim, especially this year.

Watch the video below, courtesy of Fox News:

RELATED: A-Paul-calypse Now: Ron Paul Trails Newt Gingrich By 1 Point In New Iowa Poll

Tucker Carlson started off the conversation, noting that the numbers going up against the President among Republicans were indicative of a “tough primary season… these numbers indicate that they’ve been damaged.” Leslie Marshall agreed, but for a different reason– that Republicans were being incredibly indecisive, independent of how the candidates were campaigning. On the other hand, Crowley contested this argument by contrasting this field with the 2008 Democrats. That process, she noted, was “totally scorched each… they went till June until Hillary Clinton backed off.

“What you’re saying,” interjected Bill Schulz, “is that Gingrich will be Romney’s Secretary of State,” calling it a risky bet. He then gave his own assessment of the field, comparing it to the NFL season. “A lot of people sticking around late in the game,” he noted, a fair bit of prayer talk, and “even though there’s not a lot of talent there, the personal stories are wildly entertaining. Also, Newt looks like a football.”

RELATED: Report: A Third-Party Ron Paul Run Could Doom The GOP’s White House Hopes

Carlson, bringing the conversation back from the Gingrich/sports item comparisons, argued that the weakness of the Republican field would not matter if the election is a referendum on President Obama. However, “if it becomes about the personal foibles, whatever they may be, of the Republican candidate,” the President stands a chance, and so Democrats want the Republican “who is easiest to parody, who has the most complicated personal life.” Marshall put a name to this threat: Newt Gingrich.

The segment via Fox News below:

RELATED: Andy Levy Congratulates GOP On Trump Debate: ‘Moderated By A Crazy Birther’

Soder explained that it was as if he had prepared thoroughly to moderate his debate and found no one wanted him around, something host Greg Gutfeld admitted elicited some sympathy within him. Plus, Gutfeld added, “I used to think it was a circus, but now I think it’s more of a sideshow.” Panelist Chris Cotter was not as positive on the matter, however, lamenting that “it’s all a side show, the entire thing… everything is a joke and The Donald, just when he gets out of it, he jumps right back in.”

Trump found some defense from Patti Ann Browne, however, who noted that the economy was, indeed, horrible, and “yet the Republicans could conceivably lose to Obama… you can’t blame the guy for noticing,” she argued, that voters aren’t satisfied with the menu before them. Gutfeld agreed, while Bill Schulz had another gripe entirely: “why is this a thing? This C-list celebrity who leans Republican is demanding that you dance for him,” he argued, and that was enough for a headline. “It’s as if Chuck Norris was like, ‘come to my house right now, I’ve got questions for you,’” he concluded.

During the Halftime Report, Andy Levy began by expressing his shock that there hadn’t been any primary elections yet at all, and adding that he did have one possible route the election could go he would like to see: “I’m starting to hope Donald Trump, Gary Johnson, Ron Paul, a bunch of other people run as independents. Let’s spice things up! Why not?”

The panel via Fox News below:

As host Greg Gutfeld explained, the reason the ban even came up to begin with was the fact that some “customers were using their medical marijuana cards as identification” in gun stores, which led the states to ask what to do about the dilemma. The idea of separating gun owners from their constitutionally protected right to own their weapons sounded like a “ridiculous, serious Second Amendment issue” to panelist Kayleigh McEnany, who thought it outrageous. Panelist Jason Counter agreed: “I think we should get drunk and shoot things like the Founding Fathers intended.” The comment made Gutfeld note that it is true that “drunks are more likely to shoot people, drunks are generally more likely to be violent… potheads generally forget they even have a gun.”

There seemed to be unanimity on this issue across the board, as John DeVore used it as a launchpad for his presidential campaign: “I want an American where two men can brunch and oil their AR-15s baked.” Replied Schulz, “I would like to run your campaign.” He further noted that he found this yet another example of President Obama being far more conservative that he promied to be, and breaking an “unspoken deal” between him and his voters. “I’m not usually angry at Obama, but I’m angry, ” he concluded.

The panel then watched a short clip of Bill Schulz wearing lederhosen.

The segment via Fox News below:

At the 8PM hour, O’Reilly’s main man-on-the-street Watters showed his package, in which he found very little sympathetic about the protesters– they mostly all agreed that “capitalism” was unfair, but with the exception of one protester how advocated for “communism” off-camera, most didn’t give him a clear substitute for what they were protesting against. He did, however, even hug one of the protesters, though he seemed to bring none of that sympathy to the newsroom, noting, “if you put every single left-wing cause into a blender, this is the sludge you’d get.” Segment via Fox News:

Hannity’s crew, which remained off camera, found similar sentiments: someone lamenting that “our democracy has really turned into capitalism,” a few people cringing while attempting to say that Hannity himself was “all right I guess,” and one bizarrely Tea Party-ish fellow saying something about “the Founding Fathers passing down the torch to the next generation” (this man also claimed to love Hannity, “but he doesn’t fit into my schedule”). Hannity brought Schulz in, along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, the latter which seemed genuinely revolted by the protesters and decried them as “people with absolutely no purpose or focus in life.” Schulz, meanwhile, noted that the smell of the place was “equal parts patchouli, body odor, and urine,” and, as the only recipient of actual hostilities at the protests, merely laughed off much of the rhetoric (but was thankful to receive a “Best Wardrobe Peabody” for his coverage). Hannity’s conclusion? All the talk the protesters were giving about class warfare came directly from President Obama. The segment via Fox News below:

While neither program was particularly comfortable with the protesters’ message– whatever that may be at this point– there is something hopeful about both packages, and even Hannity noted at the end of his segment that he spent time talking to one of the protesters and found common ground on which to agree. If Sean Hannity can get along with an anti-capitalist Wall Street protester, there is hope for humanity just yet.

Red Eye’s Bill Schulz Protests Against… Something At ‘Wall St. Day Of Rage’

Host-for-the-night Andy Levy introduced the show’s “smelliest correspondent,” who was unable to get several topless women to show off on camera, but did manage to get some understanding of what brought them there: “wealth disparities,” monetary inflation, and, well, topless ladies. He managed to deftly avoid being asked where he was from (“We’re on F–, er, Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld… it’s a voice of protest in a sea of infomercials”), until finally being recognized as a “piece of trash” from “Faux News.” The native inhabitants of Wall Street– clearly identifiable by their button-downs and haircuts– were much more hospitable to Schulz, however.

Schulz narrowed down the experience to “the smell of patchouli, body odor, and urine,” which the rest of the panel didn’t seem to put into question. While panelist Dana Vachon gave them the benefit of the doubt by noting that “if I graduated $100,000 in debt and a sociology degree… I’d feel like I’d been screwed, too,” the sympathy for the protesters more or less ended there.

The segment via Fox News below:

Host Greg Gutfeld started the discussion by attributing the comments to the way Bloomberg operates– “nothing like the alarmist approach to bring people together!” Panelist Penn Jillette agreed that he saw the threat as slight, though found more offensive the power that politicians have to say such threatening things, asking “can you imagine if a hip-hop artist had made the exact comment that he made?”

Gutfeld agreed, but argued that the approach hinged on Bloomberg himself. “He has such low expectations for humanity,” he half-joked, citing the time Bloomberg suggested the Times Square bomber could have been someone unhappy with their health care. Jillette added it was not only his pessimism that blinded him, but the fact that he did not know the conditions that led people in Cairo to revolt. “I have been to Cairo,” he noted, “it’s a terrible, terrible place.” The worst thing about Cairo to Jillette was the fact that “they force the women to dress like Batman,” but the high levels of pollution didn’t help, either. “I was on the edge of rioting,” he joked, “and I’m not a rioting kind of guy.” To Bill Schulz, however, it wasn’t just the culture in Cairo that made the different– it’s New York. “I just think we’re too lazy for this kind of thing,” he argued, citing the lower crime rates and the fact that “we have couches that don’t have mice in them.”

The segment via Fox News below:

The last time we left this feud, Brown tweeted something incoherent about blacklights and sexual activity detection with the command, “Be nice!!!” But he has had bigger fish to try than that, like the 117 parking violations he has received for parking in a handicapped spot, 95 of which have been dropped. Gutfeld quickly cut to the pressing questions: to get permission to park in a handicapped spot requires a handicap– “given that hes a violent moron, does that qualify?”

Levy seemed confused. “I thought he caused other people to have to park in handicapped spaces.”

The segment continued with some comical hearsay from Anna Gilligan about Brown’s troubled Good Morning America appearance that ed guest Mike Baker to add, “I wasn’t there in the compound in Abbottabad, but I heard they picked up some documentation on Chris Brown.” Gilligan later made the point that Brown seems to have great karma– “he gets out of everything without any real punishment!”

What’s more, beside the destructive elements to him, the panel seemed unconvinced he deserved his status as acknowledged “talented” person of some sort. Asked Gutfeld: “Should an artist have a long, successful career before being an abusive jerk?” Levy joked that, sure, Roman Polanski may be off the hook, with Bill Schulz rounding it off with the reminder that “Mel Gibson waited until he got an Oscar before allegedly hitting women.”

The segment via Fox News below:

The poll showed President Obama leading Rep. Paul 47% to 45% among all possible voters, which put him closer to defeating the president than Rep. Michele Bachmann or Mitt Romney in some cases. Host Greg Gutfeld opened the discussion with these facts, noting that Rep. Paul was also facing an uphill battle on media coverage (which he did by accusing co-host Bill Schulz of not including Rep. Paul in most of his “coverage”). Schulz agreed the polls were good for the Congressman, with the caveat that “the important thing to remember here is that polls suck.” He continued this argument later in the segment, and received some agreement from the panel, when he noted the fact that “the people who answer poll questions are people who answer polls,” which makes them automatically less useful than they are in theory (that argument was buffered on the panel by the suggesting that people who answer phone calls for polls are people who land lines, who are too old to tell whether they are talking to pollsters).

Panelist Matthew McCall thought there may be something to the polls, however, arguing that “the fact that the independents are sticking up for Paul shows that he’s got a bit of a chance.” He did seem to enjoy Rep. Paul’s disposition of being “always mad” in debates, though ended up being somewhat alone in his belief that Rep. Paul had a serious chance based on these numbers. Panelist LeeAnn Tweeden didn’t think he had a chance at all, while Paul Mercurio thought the speculation was premature, “like picking a baby name on the first date.”

During the Halftime Report, ombudsman Andy Levy weighed in on Rep. Paul’s chances– “zero chance”– but warned everyone that the polls were meaningless, as “George Pataki has yet to bring his energy and charisma officially into the race.” He also condemned Schulz for ignoring Rep. Paul in his serious campaign coverage– “you have a platform, sir, use it appropriately.”

The segment via Fox News below:

O’Donnell, of course, argued that she left the program because Morgan “would not stop talking about sex” and that she was not comfortable talking about topics she did not want to talk about. She later went on to call it “borderline sexual harassment,” which made Morgan borderline litigious.

The story provided for a fair number of wonderful punchlines– from Patti Ann Browne suggesting that “once the masturbation stuff came up, she just knew there wasn’t going to be a happy ending” to ombudsman for the night Mike Baker talking about programs on which O’Donnell came out in favor of socially conservative causes (with strategically placed rhetorical pauses).

As to the reasoning behind her walking out, however, panelist Adam Mansbach provided a fairly strong theory: “the fundamental misunderstanding that she is laboring under is that she is being asked to be on a show as some kind of serious political candidate,” though her attacks on the media (what Levy called “the Sarah Palin card”) had in the past proven to be effective. Meanwhile, panelist Dan Soder gave her the benefit of the doubt– “what they did edit out was his creepy bottom lip bit after every question.” The group also speculated as to Piers Morgan’s real origins– is he really British? Soder posited he is “some actor from Iowa”– a theory happily entertained by the panel.

The segment via Fox News below:

The panel was particularly lively this time around as it welcomed ombudsman Andy Levy to the panel (it was his birthday), who had many questions about the answers to Thursday’s debate– but especially, what was going on between Rep. Bachmann and Tim Pawlenty? “I sort of want to know what happened afterwards,” he commented, calling it a “good Moonlighting vibe.” He also expressed some outrage that only Mitt Romney refused to “eat Obama’s dog food,” thereby leaving the possibility open that they may.

Panelist Anna Gilligan seemed more irritated with the confusing answers than outraged, however, noting that she didn’t see how Rep. Ron Paul could reconcile believing marriage is between a man and a woman and also a states’ rights issue, or how Rick Santorum “talks anti-gay stuff all the time but then he says he’s worried about the gays in Iran.” British panelist Kevin Godlington was just amused. “I love the fact that you have so many people to choose from!” he exclaimed, though took a stab Byron York‘s question to Rep. Bachmann on submission, which the panel mostly believed in the context of previous statements was fair.

There was also plenty more commentary on Herman Cain‘s Pokemon love, Rep. Bachmann’s relative tardiness and Newt Gingrich‘s strident anti-media rhetoric during the debate.

The video via Fox News below:

Host Greg Gutfeld played the clip from “Captain Charisma,” and for once appeared mostly speechless. Gore called for a “grassroots movement,” but not the Tea Party. “Does Gore even know what an Arab spring means?” Gutfeld asked. The panel took turns picking out what was most absurd about his statements, Jill Dobson summing them up as “we need something just like the Tea Party, except everyone agrees with me.” She also wondered what a “stalking horse” was– a term Gore threw in there to describe the Tea Party (Andy Levy later informed everyone it was an idiom meaning “decoy”). Her co-panelist Jamie Weinstein hoped “the wizards at MSNBC give him a rhetorical lashing” for comparing President Obama to a tyrant, a point he argued seems to have been lost by the wayside in light of him calling for a revolution.

Meanwhile, Sherrod Small had some sympathy for Gore. “Al Gore was vice president, he gets the same respect we gave our vice principal,” he noted, which probably caused some frustration. The frustration point came up later as well, when Small then turned to blame his ex-wife Tipper, though Levy blamed the fact that he did not become president in 2000. Small wasn’t alone in not taking Gore all the way on in the panel, however– Bill Schulz had some sharp words for the Tea Party, arguing that their unwillingness to compromise made them impossible to deal with. “I used to think the only population in America that didn’t understand compromise and couldn’t do it were infants,” he argued, “but now American babies are not alone: they have the Tea Party.”

The discussion and Halftime Report via Fox News below:

As host for the morning Andy Levy reported, the New York Post has the latest on Weiner, who, it is reported, is trying to figure out how to convince his wife, mother, and, um, our Secretary of State that he is “cured.” Of what is not entirely certain, but he really wants people to think he’s “cured.” In other news, Al-Qaeda magazine Inspire has just published a full-page attack on “Angry Weiner Head,” prompting Levy to ask, “please tell whichever jihadi who wrote that line that we’re hiring.”

The panel had several points to make about this new development, the first being, of course, how Weiner’s mother and wife ended up on par with his wife’s boss in the realm of people who need to forgive him. As panelist Jill Dobson put it, “when I screw up, my first thought isn’t ‘what does my spouse’s boss think of this?’” That said, fellow panelist Kmele Foster noted that Clinton was an apt person for the problem– “Hillary has a knack in dealing with creeps.” Radio host Anthony Cumia noted the absurdity of using the word “cured” to described how he must feel, and joked with Levy about the hilarity of Al Qaeda publications– “their Where’s Waldo? is hilarious– he’s always in mass graves.”

The segment via Fox News below:

Gutfeld began wondering if a boycott for a park showing of the movie Breakfast At Tiffany’s was justified given that Mickey Rooney portrayed an offensive Asian character. Beckel eventually responded to the inquiry saying “if you don’t like it, if you’re sensitive, don’t take your kids to the damn thing.” But he was much more interested in sharing why he hates cats (“they always look like they know more than you do”) and why he’s never actually watched Red Eye before (since he doesn’t do cocaine anymore, he now sleeps at night). And as an aside, Beckel joked most other movie stereotypes are often true, for instance Persians are violent and Italians are connected to the mob.

Beckel was clearly enjoying the loose format of the show and when musician Andrew W.K. commented on the offensive stereotype “just because something hurts your feelings doesn’t mean that you can cancel it out of existence,” Beckel responded “does that include Glenn Beck” before quickly following it up with “I’m sorry, I forgot we’re on Fox.” Later Andy Levy rains on Beckel’s claim that somehow Rooney gave Walt Disney the idea to name his mouse “Mickey,” but Beckel managed to change the topic back to something he was more comfortable discussing. He admitted he locked a case of cocaine in a bank somewhere and can’t remember where it is. Bill Schulz suggested Beckel “retrace your snorts!”

And that’s the story of how an innocent conversation about a classic movie collapsed into an entertaining discussion about drugs, violence and Glenn Beck.

Watch the clip from Fox News below:

Host Greg Gutfeld described the interaction as contentious, noting that it apparently culminated in one of the economists yelling obscenities at Feinberg, and posed the question of how, exactly, one is to react to a morally indignant patron at a restaurant approaching one’s table to lecture on the ethics of expensive alcohol. For one, panelist Joe DeRosa didn’t quite see the hypocrisy, as he had some of that in his life: “I’m a huge supporter of AIDS research, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop banging around,” he joked. He also later added the observation that Feinberg was also dining at the same restaurant– one that most of the people whose rights she claimed to be standing up for could not afford to go to. This also came up during the Halftime Report, where Andy Levy added that Feinberg was actually celebrating her birthday. “This is how she chose to celebrate her birthday,” he deadpanned– figuring out how much money another table was spending.

Fellow panelist John DeVore was far more interested in Feinberg’s behavior than Rep. Ryan’s however, calling it “obnoxious” and complaining that her decision to interrupt Rep. Ryan was “the problem with everything– people spray their politics everywhere.” Gutfeld then added what was later deemed a “Fox thing” to do: “yes, especially liberals– see what I did there?” (During the Halftime Report, Levy does actually express this sentiment, however, with the caveat that he objects to much of what both liberals and conservatives do).

As a public figure, however, Rep. Ryan is apt to be recognized in public, as Courtney Friel noted– the TMZ threat is alive and well. Plus, she added, “he should try some Franzia,” which is not a sentiment that found any opposition in the present company.

The segment (and Halftime Report) via Fox News below:

As Gutfeld noted, there are about 3,000 more lesbian couples than gay couples in Massachusetts, and almost twice as many in other states with similar laws. “As a guy, I’ve got to tell you– it’s not surprising,” noted panelist Charles Payne. The sentiment appeared to be shared by all the males on the panel, who then began to craft ways to escape getting married if being part of a gay couple in New York. “I’d immediately start making excuses to move to a place without gay marriage,” suggested Dan Soder, to which Gutfeld then built upon– the excuse can be “I’m going to that state to change the law, and then when that law is changed, I’ll go to another state.” When all states fail, the panel concluded, there will always be Utah.

The lone female voice on the panel, Kayleigh McEneny, also concurred with the obviousness of the statistics, but for different reasons. “I’ll have to pay someone to get down on one knee,” she lamented, noting that it’s near impossible for her to get dates, much less proposals. “You always hear this with the hot chicks,” Gutfeld argued, while Soder added that it’s the girls who say “I can never get a date” that say “I love you like a brother” when you ask them on a date.” Bill Schulz agreed vehemently with that comment, and then changed the subject to one particularly famous bachelor– “you know who really is sweating bullets right now is Brad Pitt.”

During the Halftime Report, Andy Levy was quick to call Schulz a “hack” for stealing a tweet he made the night of New York’s gay marriage bill passing, and added an apparently obvious possibility that no one brought up before for the lopsided numbers: “maybe there are just more lesbians– did anyone think of that?”

The discussion and subsequent Halftime Report talk via Fox News below:

Host Greg Gutfeld retold the story of how Petty tweeted he wanted nothing to do with Rep. Bachmann, joining Katrina of Katrina and the Waves, who also protested to Rep. Bachmann’s use of “Walking on Sunshine.” The panel agreed that artists should have a say in where their music is played– panelist Joe DeVito put it succinctly: “I think you should be able to decide where your song is being played.” The problem, Gutfeld noted, was that this significantly narrowed down the playlists for conservative politicians to Lynyrd Skynyrd and Ted Nugent, and… that’s about it.

On his part, Bill Schulz seemed bored by the controversy. “We’ve seen this movie before,” he yawned, noting the dispute between Ronald Reagan and Bruce Springsteen. “When Reagan used Springsteen’s song ‘Uptown Girl?’” Gutfeld interjected, which Schulz replied to affirmatively– “he wrote it for his model girlfriend, Naomi Campbell.” Schulz suggested it was a move “completely and utterly calculated by the Bachmann camp” for publicity, a point Andy Levy later found to have some merit, as campaigns “know they didn’t get permission from the copyright holder” for the music, so the backlash is entirely expected.

The segment via Fox News below:

Playing a clip from Beck’s show this week, host Greg Gutfeld railed against the people who spilled wine, accidentally or not, on Beck and his family. “Bullying is cowardice exploiting opportunity,” he argued, though, in playing the clip of Beck describing the attack, he added the disclaimer that “Glenn gets upset a lot, so you never know how much of this is theater.” That said, “the bully need not a spine to toss the wine,” he concluded, and in “targeting someone because they’re different– you aren’t a New Yorker, you’re a fascist– or at least from Philly.” (that last line almost got him a slap in the wrist from Andy Levy, but, “nah.”)

His panel, for the most part, agreed on the points against the wine spillers, though Courtney Friel, being from Philadelphia, took a bit of offense. The general sentiment appeared to be that the cowardice displayed by those claiming the event was an accident was uncouth (Matt McCall suggested “having some balls” when attempting to be completely rude to a celebrity), but that Beck had to expect at least some minor attacks from people at an event such as the one he attented. “You don’t get to go to the movies in Bryant Park [as a celebrity],” argued Robert Kelly, “you don’t get to pretend you’re the average Joe– that’s like Salman Rushdie visiting Mecca.”

The most disagreement Beck received on the panel was from Bill Schulz, who suggested the entire field trip was a product of Beck “needing material for A-block.” “He didn’t have anything to talk about that day,” he argued,” so he decided to go to the middle of Bryant Park.” He also argued that “more cowardly is the way this girl has been treated,” referring to the lady who wrote to New York claiming the entire ordeal was an accident, who has had profiles written up for her on Adult Friend Finder– which Schulz claimed he did not know about, though was refuted by Levy during the Halftime Report, who thought he denial was “cute.”

The panel talk and Halftime Report via Fox News below:

Gutfeld dismissed the idea that Stewart’s job was hard saying “the first and only step of The Daily Show is making jokes about people the writers disagree with.” Gutfeld also wondered “when he whines about FNC, isn’t it like he’s saying why can’t they be like everybody else?” GOProud Board Chairman Chris Barron agreed and thought Stewart’s whole performance with Wallace demonstrated “the height of smarminess.” Yet others on the panel, like Imogen Lloyd Webber, didn’t think Stewart was whining at all, and argued Stewart deserved a lot of credit. Bill Schulz especially went to bat for Stewart, concluding “smarmy is one word, I’d say brave. He came into the lion’s den and he defended himself.”

This entertaining debate seemed to be another example that disproves Stewart’s overarching critique of Fox News as merely being an organization that pushes one ideological agenda. In one moment you get Gutfeld declaring about Stewart “he’s unaware of his liberalism because he’s soaking in it” and “those who deny their own ideology most are probably lying.” Yet in the next minute, you get Schulz responding that Stewart is right and should be respected since “he can do Chris Wallace’s job, Chris Wallace can’t do his.”

Stewart may continue to laugh at Fox News’ “fair and balanced” slogan and believe it’s nothing more than deceptive marketing, yet as Fox anchors repeatedly give Stewart and others airtime to criticize their network and then continue to debate the merits of such claims, it demonstrates that if any “marching orders” come from the top (as suggested by Stewart), then one such directive is likely to constantly feature as many diverse opinions as possible.

Watch the clip from Fox News below:

(h/t Johnny Dollar)

“It is Day 1 of the post-Weiner era,” Gutfeld declared during the opening of his Greg-a-logue, lamenting that he “already miss[es] the little guy” for making “life worth living.” After playing his touching goodbye to the Congressman and his model poses, Gutfeld demanded that he “come back refreshed and run again, because we need you.” Gutfeld’s panel agreed enthusiastically (or, rather, panelist Sherrod Small responded “why not? sure” to the question of whether Weiner was missed. Close enough.), and demanded his return. But not all believed he was gone for good– fellow panelist Seth Swirsky fully expected to see Weiner again “on MSNBC by Monday or Tuesday,” expecting the Eliot Spitzer model to kick into full gear.

In what seemed an unintentional deviation from the topic, panelist Kayleigh McEnany triggered a side conversation about the Founding Fathers’ sex lives by arguing that “having guys like Weiner around hurts America” (key line in this discussion: “Benjamin Franklin was inventing electricity every night!”), and the discussion ultimately culminated with Bill Schultz asking either Weiner or wife Huma Abedin to “call me, because I’m not picky.”

The segment via Fox News below:

If you happen to have a life that requires you to be sleep at 3 AM (in which case, I recommend you take a good, hard look at what your life has become), it is quite easy to have never heard of Red Eye. For one, it airs at an ungodly hour, not to mention that it’s a comedy show on Fox News. That said, Red Eye is no Half Hour News Hour, with host Greg Gutfeld, ombudsman Andy Levy, and “repulsive sidekick” (their term, not mine) Bill Schulz putting together what Gutfeld called in the LA Times today a “cocktail hour” with a regular cast of guests, bizarre features, and original jokes that have made the program one of the best shows most people can’t afford to change their lifestyles to watch. The loose atmosphere and iconoclastic attitude have netted them a bevy of fans that convene nightly for commentary on Twitter and other online communities and ratings so astronomical for their time slot that, on occasion, Red Eye has beaten all of CNN Primetime in the ratings. Below are five defining moments of the show’s tenure:

Old Spice Guy Seduces Ann Coulter (1 of 5)

Next ►

Ann Coulter has always been a friend and regular of Red Eye and, perhaps half in appreciation, half in mischief, Gutfeld and crew made sure that, this year, Coulter would have the finest Valentine around: "Old Spice Guy" Isaiah Mustafa. When was the last time Ann Coulter got this giggly on national television?

The night’s “Gregalogue” showcased a number of unsavory characters who Gutfeld gave the audience a choice among, which is probably the best person to be right now. Among that illustrious list were Larry Craig, John Edwards, “sleazy French socialist” Dominique Strauss-Kahn, and, yes, Rep. Weiner. Gutfeld didn’t seem to understand why Rep. Weiner “panicked,” but was thankful for the story.

The panel, meanwhile, had several different takes on how this possibly became a story– regular Lauren Sivan called it a case of “males being males” and found one positive message of the whole ordeal: more women should hold public office, as they are less prone to do– as she visually mimed– what Rep. Weiner is alleged to have done. Bill Whittle, meanwhile, didn’t dismiss the possibility that some cataclysmic disaster could peel Rep. Weiner away from the headlines enough for him to survive politically, though most of the panel agreed this would likely not sink him because, as Bernadette Pauley noted, “there’s no shame anymore.” Pauley, on her part, was more concerned about the future of alleged photo recipient Gennette Cordova, who she strongly urged to land a reality TV contract.

The segment via Fox News below:

“Jedward,” as Gutfeld explained in his Greg-a-logue last night, is an Irish pop group/reality TV creation, which performed live for the President during his trip to Dublin. Gutfeld also played a bit of the video the twins made bragging about meeting the President and, immediately after, one of Gutfeld reacting physically to the horrors of Jedward– one suspects that, unlike Meghan McCain, no one is going to stand up for Jedward this time. Gutfeld concluded his monologue with some thoughtful notes about the Arab Spring, and how much the Middle East is resisting Western influence. “When I see Jedward, I’ve got to wonder,” he concludes: “Maybe they’re right.”

What followed was a polarized panel that found themselves loving Jedward as much as they hated them. Gillespie made the point that pop culture is the strongest weapon Western culture has to influence the draconian regimes of the Middle East, though put it in the most ludicrous way possible: “Iit will be people like Jedward who liberate the Arab world becuase it’s this kind of pop craziness where you could be whatever you want to be, even if you’re from Ireland.”

Bill Schulz, meanwhile, stood up for the boys. “Oh, I guess you hate talent,” he sneered at Gutfeld for fake-vomiting at Jedward, though he was upset that their darker-haired roots were showing. “That’s in style now!” fellow panelist Leeann Tweeden protested. Meanwhile, comedian Tom Shillue seemed most confused of all. “Let me get this straight,” he asked, “These guys created Facebook and now they want a piece of it?”

Least tolerate of all to Jedward was Andy Levy, who corrected Gillespie’s assertion and added “Jedward is not liberating the Arab world– they are the reason they hate us.” Gutfeld, who by the end of the panel was wondering if “I am the problem,” couldn’t help but tease: ”Can we just agree that jedward is going to be bigger than anything?” After some enraged half sentences, Levy just retorted: “You are disgusting.”

The segment via Fox News below:

Gutfeld began the show with an old clip from May 3rd of a conversation between him and Andy Levy, where they stated with certainty that bin Laden owned “huge amounts of porn” and played some “exclusive footage” (of goats). With that, it was time to go around the table, where regular Lauren Sivan expressed relief that her and bin Laden “were really not that different after all,” debut guest Dee Dee Benkie read off a list of titles including “Boys in Burkas III” and “Spring Break on Oha Island,” and Democratic strategist Pat Caddell weighed on on the relative merits of amateur and professional porn in far more detail than anyone really needed to hear (thankfully). “This is a man after my own heart,” he said of bin Laden for keep five wives and an impressive amount of porn.

Once the halftime segment rolled around (after a fiery debate over Gwyneth Paltrow‘s love life), Levy weighed in on the odds that the porn was “amateur stuff with either a static camera– boring– or a shaky camera– annoying.” Caddell, on his part, noted that, even if so, there was a certain allure to amateur porn to him that made up for the sub-par cinematography. If they keep this up, they’re not going to have anything left for when the government reveals the titles in bin Laden’s collection.

The discussion and Halftime Report via Fox News below:

Gutfeld read his panel the notice that “Jerry has respectfully withdrawn from the event,” as well as Trump’s retort insulting Seinfeld’s low-ratings show The Marriage Ref (the latter in a “bad British accent,” because why not). In going around the table trying to understand Seinfeld’s rationale, comedian Nick DiPaolo noted that, as a “New York lib,” Seinfeld “put ideology ahead of anything,” though former Democratic Congressional nominee Krystal Ball interjected to note that Seinfeld had, in fact, given the money he had pledged to the charity. Whatever Seinfeld’s reasoning, the panel did manage to agree on one thing: Donald Trump was being a “total dingus”– something Ball, as a Democrat, could not be more elated about.

Luckily, the children are going to get a substitute performer– but, unfortunately, that “performer” is Bret Michaels, which Gutfeld jokingly called a “win-win,” only to be corrected by Bill Schulz: “the kids lose!” Schulz didn’t seem to see a problem with Seinfeld leaving, since the kids “don’t know Jerry Seinfeld from Nancy Pelosi,” but “you’ve got Bret going in there spreaking all manner of disease… that’s a loss for the kids,” he joked.

Whatever the result, Gutfeld appeared by the end of his segment to be convinced that Seinfeld’s “principle” was just “a great way out of something,” to which Schulz ceded that, if true, “he’s a genius.” By the time Andy Levy rolled around for the Halftime Report, Gutfeld could already see Seinfeld sitting “at home in his khaki/jean combination watching the Mets” instead of bothering with the charity event, all while giving the required funds. Levy, on his end, praised Trump for raising himself on his “gold and platinum bootstraps” and challenging guest Andrew Klavan on his claim that no one quite believes the birther conspiracy– after all, aren’t 45% of Republicans polling that they do? Klavan replied that this was because “Obama won’t come forward and address the issue; he treats people with arrogance and disrespect.”

The segment via Fox News below:

The panel overwhelmingly agreed with the assessment that Trump’s birtherism was useless to the nation, though not all knew what a “birther” was coming in. Fox Business’ Chris Cotter confessed he thought a birther was a “pregnant woman” (“first of all, you’re fired,” retorted Levy). Jokes aside, Schulz took the banner from Levy, arguing that he would be surprised to see Trump run at all, all the political hype being merely Trump promoting his show, “spectacularly, I might add.” Specifically, Schulz didn’t see how Trump would be able to withstand the pressure of areal campaign, as it would force him to talk about, among other things, “being an overwhelming jerk.” Levy eventually gave playing devil’s advocate to Schulz a half-hearted attempt, asking whether the birther issue “fires up the base,” but couldn’t keep to himself that that phrase didn’t actually mean anything for very long.

Cotter provided perhaps the kindest word towards Trump, that, “he’s not a politician and that’s his appeal,” with fellow guest Remy Spencer adding that she could see President Obama getting “a run for his money” in 2012 (though hopefully not from Trump). Otherwise, All the support Trump could muster from the group was Schulz salivating at the prospect of Trump having to talk about real issues, like gay marriage, which he said he opposes because “it just doesn’t feel right– much like his wife said on his wedding night.”

The segment via Fox News below:

“Are we sure that wasn’t Tilda Swinton?” host Greg Gutfeld asked as he played the video of Assange flailing his arms to some sort of beat that was apparently alien to the music playing, taking up entirely too much dancefloor space and looking like a crab walking in circles. Gutfeld was almost merciful, equating him to “every guy at a wedding, but like a hundred times worse,” and being shocked almost as much at the dancing as at the fact that it was done in public. Something about his complete lack of coordination left the panel somewhat at a loss for words, with Fox News anchor Patti Ann Browne merely needing to call Assange “that guy” at the club for the rest of the team to understand, while Bill Schulz and Dean Cain argued that this was more of a white people problem than an isolated Wikileaks incident. Meanwhile, Dana Vachon pondered what happened when the strobe lights turned off every split second, and came up with only one plausible conclusion: “during the moments of darkness, he was fathering children.”

While most of the panel almost felt bad– or would have felt bad had this not been Julian Assange– Andy Levy chimed in at the halftime to add his belief that Assange is likely very happy to have seen the video leak. “I believe that he thinks he looks great,” he noted, a testament, perhaps, to his delusion.

The clip via Fox News below: