You have eyes, you can see that the model to the left is wearing the “Black Croc Tee Dress” or, as I like to call it, the HOLY CRAP YOUR VAGINA IS A GIANT GAPING MAW THAT IS TOTALLY GOING TO EAT ME dress. You don’t have to be Sigmund Freud to see that symbolism. The giant gaping toothy maw surrounding the model’s nether regions pretty much gives it away.

And it’s not just clever “fashion” photography, either — you know how sometimes the dress looks great on the model, but when you take it home it looks totally different on you? Well, here, the dress looks like a giant gaping toothy maw surrounding the model’s nether regions — and it looks exactly the same on you!

To prove it, here I am once again, holding up the shirt version in the store, for scale.

I’m not making this up. Still don’t believe me? Well why not go to designer Christopher Kane‘s welcome page on the Top Shop site. There you’ll see his signature crocodile, gaping maw and all. And what, pray tell, is written invitingly over the deepest, darkest recesses of those scarily inviting jaws?

I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP!

Oh, also, in addition to being on the cutting edge of Vagina Dentata fashion, Top Shop has given you a garment that is also (a) heinously ugly and (b) $125. Seriously! This dress is $125. The even-uglier shirt version is $90.

Also, if you think there’s no related media hook here, we’ve got two words for you: MEGAN FOX. Thank you.

Related:
What’s That About A Powerful Vagina? [Mediaite]

First on the story:
Band T-Shirts [Nightwood]

(Hat tip to Jezebel’s Anna Holmes of Jezebel for figuring out it was a crocodile when I confusedly guessed a bear yesterday, and to Consumerist’s Laura Northrop for directing me to the Top Shop page in question.)