“My actions certainly led us to this decision…And I’ve certainly made a lot of errors in my life and that’s something I’m going to have to live with.”

He also took responsibility for the divorce. From the New York Times:

Sadness was the theme of Woods’s remarks; in a 10-minute news conference here at Ridgewood Country Club, Woods used the word or a variant of it five times.

He acknowledged that his personal troubles have hung over him on the golf course at times, saying that there have been tournaments where the distractions from his off-the-course problems were almost too much to deal with while still playing. Concentrating on his shots has been a challenge at times, Woods said; so has been dealing with questions about his personal life on a daily basis, even in the midst of a tournament.

Sad though it may be, thus far this divorce — if not the reasons leading up to it – appears to be playing out in the press in a far more dignified manner than many other high profile splits in recent memory.

People magazine landed the exclusive, but is saving most of the juicy details for readers of the print edition. However all the network morning shows got a preview, and filed detailed reports this morning.

Nordegren didn’t address the cheating directly, although she said “I’ve been through hell.” She also says she “never suspected” any of it, and was “blindsided” and “embarrassed.” She did talk about what happened that Thanksgiving night:

There was never any violence inside or outside our home. The speculation that I would have used a golf club to hit him is just truly ridiculous. Tiger left the house that night, and after a while when he didn’t return, I got worried and decided to look for him. That’s when I found him in the car. I did everything I could to get him out of the locked car. To think anything else is absolutely wrong.

Interestingly, while Nordegren says she barely watched TV in the months following the incident, she did say “she found the parodies of herself on Saturday Night Live and South Park ‘pretty hysterical,’ even if ‘totally untrue.’”

As for Woods himself, she says she’s not yet ready to forgive him. In fact, the only positive comment she offered related to golf. “I wish him all the best in the future, as a person and as an athlete,” she said. “I know he is going to go down as the best golfer that ever lived, and rightfully so. I feel privileged to have witnessed a part of his golfing career.”

People hits newstands (and then will subsequently leave newstands quickly) on Friday. The magazine says this will be “her first – and last – interview, as she intends to remain a private person.” Here’s ABC’s segment this morning:

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“We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future…While we are no longer married, we are the parents of two wonderful children and their happiness has been, and will always be, of paramount importance to both of us.”

“Once we came to the decision that our marriage was at an end, the primary focus of our amicable discussions has been to ensure their future well-being. The weeks and months ahead will not be easy for them as we adjust to a new family situation, which is why our privacy must be a principal concern.”

As enormous as that figure sounds, earlier reports were even more massive:

“Yesterday, Gossip Cop struck down rampant rumors that put Nordegren’s haul at close to $750 million.
The lower sum comes from what a source “with direct knowledge of the terms” has told TMZ.
Nordegren will also reportedly receive child support.”

Perhaps now that this whole ordeal is finally heading towards the finish line, people will finally be able to focus on Tiger’s golf. Right? Right?

Not surprisingly, TMZ says the possibly-soon-to-be-ex couple wants to keep things hush-hush:

Sources very familiar with the situation tell TMZ … the most important thing for both Tiger and Elin is keeping the terms of the divorce confidential.

Needless to say, with outlets like TMZ hot after details, this will be difficult. They went on to report that Tiger “wants either custody or visitation,” that the divorce might actually be filed in Nordegren’s home country of Sweden, and that “the couple has not reached agreement on any of the major issues.” If they’re that far away from finalizing the split (and of course, provided they’re actually right that a split is looming), get ready to hear lots more on this. Because if there’s anything we need, it’s more Tiger stories!

And if that’s not enough Tiger news, he and his swing coach, Hank Haney, are also ending their relationship. TMZ has that, too, though the Golf Channel first got word of the Woods-Haney split.

Blogger Cousins of Ron Mexico at The Big Lead notes the bevy of breakup news surrounding Woods, asking re: Haney:

The only question is, has Woods been secretly working with a number of other swing coaches over the last few years?

Pretty good line, and interestingly, the Woods-Haney breakup is what has more people talking. It’s got writeups on ESPN, USA Today, and FOX News, to name a few. The divorce news, on the other hand, is pretty much confined to TMZ and a couple other gossip sites. A sign that media attention is returning to Woods’ golf game now that he’s playing again, or just a sign that there’s not enough concrete evidence for most outlets to report on the divorce? Stay tuned.

While apparently there were no restrictions set on the questions, Rinaldi and Tilghman, who were hand-picked by Team Tiger, were confined to five minutes with Woods. (Tilghman shrewdly pushed her session to six minutes.) That’s right, five measly minutes. What a joke. At this point, five hours wouldn’t suffice.

So why did ESPN and the Golf Channel comply with Team Tiger’s demands? Because, well, what network in their right mind would actually turn down the first interviews with Tiger!? Actually, CBS would. And did. (Go figure, journalistic integrity still exists!)

When CBS received the call with the same offer, Sean McManus, who runs both the networks’ news and sports departments, declined the opportunity. Earlier this month in an interview with Sports Illustrated, McManus proclaimed that Woods’ first tournament back would be the biggest media event other than President Barack Obama’s inauguration over the past 10 or 15 years. He added, “If the opportunity came up for an interview with Tiger for ‘60 Minutes,’ I would not turn down that opportunity down.” CBS Sports spokesperson LeslieAnne Wade explained, “Depending on the specifics, we are interested in an extended interview without any restrictions on CBS.”

Bravo to CBS for not playing by Woods’ ludicrous rules. Despite the tragic truths that have materialized in the past four months, it still appears Woods is out of touch with reality. Turns out, what we thought were botched PR moves have actually been a brilliant plan to regain sympathy, favor and control. But he’s delusional if he thinks two short interviews is satisfactory. Who does he think he is? Tiger Woods? Apparently.

Since the fateful night after Thanksgiving when Woods crashed his Escalade within pitching wedge distance from his driveway and the onslaught of allegations grew with each alleged mistress that stepped forward, we’ve waited for Woods to answer questions. But for nearly three months, other than some robotic statements posted on his website, there was nothing but silence, forcing us into hyper-speculation mode. Then came the announcement Woods would speak to the public for the first time to “a small group of friends, colleagues and close associates at the TPC Sawgrass Clubhouse in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida,” and apologize for his behavior. But Team Tiger set absurd ground rules, asserting Woods would take no questions and only six members of the media could attend, three of which were selected.

Naturally, this stirred an upheaval — Woods still didn’t get it. Hadn’t he received the memo? The rules of the game had changed. Since the scandal broke, golf writers have had their credibility questioned for allowing Woods to skirt the tough questions. The formerly passive golf media which let Woods call the shots for the past 13 years weren’t going to give him the kid glove treatment any longer. No more ooo-ing and ahh-ing at every word he uttered. No more polite laughs at his non-answers at his obligatory press conferences. So when Team Tiger left the three remaining spots for the board members of the Golf Writers of Association to fill, they decided to boycott the farce.

In an atmosphere that felt more like a politician resigning from office, Woods gave his humiliating “I’m deeply sorry” speech, where he basically read a soliloquy loaded with words like “selfish,” “irresponsible,” “foolish” and “embarrassed.” After watching his speech more times than I’d like to admit, I decided he seemed sincere enough and more than anything, I wanted to believe him. Because, well, everyone deserves a second chance. Or even a third, fourth and eighth in some cases.

Woods also provided a vague timeline for his return to golf, saying “I do plan to return to golf one day. I just don’t know when that day will be. I don’t rule out that it will be this year.” Before this, I was 100% sure he would return for The Masters, but seeing his fragile state, I started having my doubts. But boy, he sure fooled me.

Last Tuesday he released yet another robotic statement, “After a long and necessary time away from the game, I feel like I’m ready to start my season at Augusta.” So basically he discredited everything he said in his mea culpa because if he really wanted to focus on repairing his personal life, he would take another few months off, or, hell, even the year. Looking at his schedule over his career, he only missed four tournaments. And of course he would choose to play his first tournament at The Masters, where the green-jacket-wearing officials will toss out an unruly spectator faster than you can say, “Cheetah Woods.”

Which brings us back to Sunday’s question-and-answer sessions. So, what did we learn in the collective eleven-ish minutes? Absolutely nothing new (except how dangerous it is to stop meditating). Because you can’t cover much of anything in that time span. Rinaldi and Tilghman both did their best, but before they even started the interviews, there was no way they were going to receive comprehensive answers from Woods. And that was the point.

So what happened on November 27? “It’s in the police report,” Woods replied. Actually it’s not. When the first responders arrived to the scene, Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, handed officers two bottles of pain pills she said Tiger had taken earlier in the day. Also, as the Orlando Sentinel pointed out, the investigation by the Florida Highway Patrol was stonewalled by multiple people. When the FHP went to procure hospital records, officers were told the records department was closed and they’d have to return Monday.But then they were told they needed a warrant, but Assistant State Attorney Steve Foster said there was insufficient evidence. (Apparently hitting bushes, the curb, a fire hydrant and finally a tree 350 feet from your house at 29-37 mph doesn’t meet requirements for suspicion of driving under the influence.)

How did you manage to drive so poorly pulling out of your driveway, something that’s analogous to tapping in a three-footer? That’s also a private matter. What were you in treatment for? Again, a private matter. Point being, Woods won’t answer any questions that he considers “between him and Elin.” Despite opinion to the contrary, it is our business when laws might have been broken, as the evidence appears to suggest.

Do I care that he cheated? Not really. Sure, I’m disappointed, but he’s certainly not the first wealthy, successful man stepping out on his marriage, so color me five shades of not-so-shocked when the news broke. But what really bothers me is that I bought into the charade. Well, I’m done and I’m over this personality called Tiger Woods. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a fan of Tiger Woods, the golfer. I will still cheer for him on the course (maybe not as loudly). Hell, I’d love to see him win The Masters. But just because he’s apologized doesn’t mean we should reward him with a big fat gold star and regress to blind hero worship (like the fine commentators — with the exception of John Hawkins — on the Golf Channel already have). Nor does it mean people won’t continue pressing him for questions.

Let’s look forward to him returning to golf and to performing the heroics on the links. But let’s also not be too quick to forget he’s still a cad when he sinks a clutch 25-footer at Augusta next month.

Video of Tiger Woods’ interview on ESPN last night:

“At this very hour… a big event is happening in the USA: Tiger Woods is holding his press conference at 11 o’clock eastern. I think we can learn a lot from that situation, not from Tiger, but from his wife. So, she said, ‘I’ve had enough.’ She said, ‘no more.’ I think we should take a page out of her playbook and take a 9-iron and smash the window out of big government in this country.”

It will probably take the left about three hours to start spinning this as a promotion of domestic violence and trying to brand Pawlenty as a violently unstable train wreck waiting to happen. If they succeed, it will be his only personality trait, so it’s probably worth a shot. The more likely scenario here, however, is that Pawlenty knows his audience and is becoming increasingly aware of how little he stands out on the national scene. When you’re competing for attention at a conference showcasing Glenn Beck, Dick Cheney, and this guy, off-color is often spot-on. And in the realm of possible ways to incite a rabid crowd to violence, this one ranks fairly low, if only for being about golf.

Watch Pawlenty deliver his barn-burner of a joke below:

It began with a slow walk alone to a podium in front of a blue curtain (“It looks like a magic show,” said Rick Reilly on ESPN) and ended with a hug from his mom who was sitting in the front row of the small audience. Here’s what happened in between, with video of the statement.

“Good morning and thank you for joining me,” said Woods to start. Early on he seemed to get get choked up. “Now every one of you has good reason to be critical of me,” he said. “I am deeply sorry for the irresponsible and selfish behavior I have engaged in.”

• The first comment about his wife: “Elin and I have started the process of discussing the damage caused by my behavior.” And later, he was forceful about the night it all began:

It angers me that people would fabricate a story like that. Elin never hit me that night or any other night. There has never been an episode of domestic violence in our marriage ever.

• He apologized a lot, but one that stuck out was this: “My behavior has caused considerable worry to my business partners.”

• This was big: “I was unfaithful, I had affairs, I cheated. What I did was not acceptable and I am the only person to blame.”

• As for treatment, he says he needed help, and had just spent 45 days in an in-patient facility, and “starting tomorrow, I will leave for more treatment and more therapy.”

• He seemed to have some serious disdain for the media. He brought up the idea of answering questions about his marriage and his affairs. And then he said – not happening. “Please know that as far as I’m concerned every one of these questions and answers is a matter between Elin and me. These are issues between a husband and a wife,” he said, and later, more strongly, “Please leave my wife and kids alone.”

• Hey Brit Hume! Woods says religion is helping him…but… “Part of following this path is Buddhism.”

• He emphatically shot down the idea he may have been using Performance-Enhancing Drugs: “This is completely and utterly false.”

One strange staging matter occurred at 11:10amET, when the direct camera shot feed cut out, and all networks switched to a strange over-the-shoulder shot. But this is what we get, folks. For a while, you will only have these 12-minutes to chew over. He’ll be back to golf “one day,” he said, and he wouldn’t “rule out that it will be this year.” But when will he talk about this again? No one knows.

• Related: More on Woods and Buddhism

Here’s the video:

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By this point, if you spend any time on the Internet, you have likely seen the Tiger Woods CGI animated news videos coming out of Hong Kong, which reenact the alleged events of Tigergate (how come no one has given it this label yet? He almost literally hit a gate.).

A week or so ago the New York Times expressed concern that these “maybe journalism” videos signaled the end of news as we know it: “a best guess at the news as it might well have been, rendered as a video game and built on a bed of pure surmise.” Which seems like a fair description, though it takes all the fun out of it.

Now Gordon Crovitz at the Wall St. Journal is speculating that the media legacy of Tiger Woods may be the “the animated news report”:

This may or may not be what actually happened, but one lesson of technology applied to information is that every medium finds its ultimate conclusion, from talk radio to reality television. In the case of online video, animated “news” will fill the gap where there is no actual video. Journalistic traditionalists tut-tut; animations are not re-enactments so much as a potential version of the news.

The key problem, as mentioned, is what is being depicted may or may not have actually happened and if a picture is worth a thousand words, than in our increasingly online video dependent media culture it’s hard to measure the real impact of these “reenactments.” Could Tiger Woods sue for defamation? I have no idea, but I imagine if this medium in fact does become the future of news we are going to discover rather quickly the limits of “maybe journalism.” In the meantime, enjoy away.

The brief post, which first appeared online Friday night, begins with another apology, in which the original “situation,” which became the euphemistic “transgressions” finally becomes “infidelity”:

I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.

Woods goes on to ask for understanding, time and privacy during his time of “personal healing.” Next up? Our money’s on an undisclosed form of rehab, “leaked” to the press. Oh, and a divorce. Read the rest of the statement here.

Meanwhile! Saturday’s Wall Street Journal tackles the moral grey-ground of gossiping, pegging the analysis to the ongoing Tiger Woods sex saga. It’s juicy stuff from our favorite business daily. “When Gossip Is Good: The social value of Tiger’s transgressions” contends that though the practice has a “bad reputation,” gossip can often help people, serving as both a warning system and “moral instruction.”

And it’s written by an expert: Nicholas DiFonzo, professor of psychology at Rochester Institute of Technology and author of The Watercooler Effect. “The Tiger gossip is replete with moral messages and motivations that are compelling, instructive and powerful,” he writes. And “just when we thought the airwaves and tabloids could not tell any more lurid tales about the moral failings of sports figures that we admire, it turns out that maybe we’re learning something.” So go learn something! And at tonight’s dinner, go all in on this golfer guy, because it’s good for you.

Tiger Woods: When Gossip Is Good [Wall Street Journal]

“There are many, many, many doors that many, many, many people would prefer stay tightly closed for now.”

If you haven’t read A.J. Daulerio’s piece on the “expensive sexual habits of pro athletes” — most notably Tiger Woods — than get thee to a computer! There are too many good soundbites (a number not necessarily safe for work!) to bother trying to fit them into this post.

Suffice it to say Daulerio makes a good (disturbing) case for the argument that alleged Tiger mistress Rachel Uchitel was allegedly paid off not to keep her quiet over her alleged affair with Woods, but to keep quiet over all the alleged “dirty business” and “poontang-wrangling” she does for him. Short version: she provides the girls, she is not the girls. And there have been many, many girls. Also, this is big business. And Tiger may have ruined the party for everyone.

But here’s what we’ve learned throughout this Tiger mess, which, in many ways, may change how some of these athletes are covered. Athletes have utilized the VIP service to engage in their affairs (and meet possible mistresses) for the sake of (supposed) privacy, philandering without the hassle of having to do any work themselves to land these women. It’s a dirty business all around. But what to do now, since Tiger has gone and messed it up for a bunch of people who were pretty safe from prying eyes and camera lenses whenever they stepped out on their wives and girlfriends during Vegas weekends? CHAOS REIGNS …

Welcome to the new world, mainstream media, where the blanks are about to be filled-in. The truth will set you free.

Related: Chaos In Tigerland: A Deadspin Investigation Into The Expensive Sexual Habits Of Pro Athletes [Deadspin]

(update: the AP confirms that the woman is indeed Barbro Holmberg.)

According to the New York Post, the woman was released from the hospital this morning:

Emergency crews responded to a rescue call at Tiger Woods’ Florida mansion and transported a woman to the hospital on “advanced life support,” local news outlets are reporting this morning.

The identity of the woman or her condition is not known, but local NBC affiliate WESH reported the call was made at 2:36 a.m. today Health Central Hospital in Ocoee. The patient at first refused treatment but was then taken to the hospital on “advanced life support.”

Witnesses told Orlando-based WFTV the younger blonde woman who was seen arriving at the hospital soon after the ambulance early Tuesday looked similar to Tiger’s wife Elin.

Every salacious detail that’s gotten out over the course of the past two weeks — the 10 alleged mistresses, the prenup negotiations, the “Ambien sex” — has existed in a circus-like atmosphere of gossip that has wrapped up even respectable mainstream outlets. With the news of this woman’s hospitalization (and, fortunately, her release), the unreality of the Tiger Woods saga has taken a strange and serious turn.

Which is why we almost missed these Tiger Woods jokes Beck told on his radio program two days ago. He also called Tiger a “dirtbag:”From Beck’s riffs on the Tiger Woods scandal on The Glenn Beck Program, with cohost Pat Gray:

• “What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal? They both get clubbed by a Scandinavian.”
• “Tiger’s been dropped from the rider’s cup team as his terrible pattern of being beaten by Europeans continues.”
• “What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.”

What Woods should tell his wife about self-proclaimed mistress Jamie Grubbs:

• “Who’s Jamie? The one that’s polishing my clubs.”

A final piece of advice that is not actually a joke at all:

• “Here’s a way to stop it. Admit you’re a dirtbag and then move on.”

(from The Glenn Beck Program, via Digg)

The statement, published on TigerWoods.com, reads:

I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.

But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don’t share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one’s own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.

Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it’s difficult.

I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.

Update – Audio that claims to be Tiger Woods leaving a voicemail message for alleged mistress Jaimee Grubbs was released today by US Weeklya>. The text of the message:
“Hey it’s Tiger, I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye.”