In his book, Johnston quotes Sarah Palin as saying she hated her job as Governor of Alaska because she would have rather been making money instead — a sentiment that O’Donnell believes is paramount in her decision to make people think she is a viable political candidate who merits time and attention in the national spotlight.

Then, in a moment that made for some terribly awkward television, O’Donnell had a hesitant Johnston read a portion of his book aloud. And not just any portion, but a scene where he sneaks in a shower with Palin’s daughter Bristol. Later, he heads a section of the book wherein Bristol tells him, “Let’s get pregnant.” A post-modern Chaucer, that Johnston.

Oh, and there’s a bonus appearance by “Tank.”

Watch the segment, via MSNBC:

While it’s almost hard to imagine a time when Sarah Palin lived in relative obscurity in the lower 48, that actually was the case when she was surprisingly chosen to be Senator John McCain‘s Vice Presidential running mate in August of 2008. Since her selection happened in the last few day before the GOP convention, her family (including Levi) were almost immediately swept up by RNC officials and “made over” in an image considered more befitting of a Vice Presidential family.

This is the story told in the segment below by a charmingly lucid Levi Johnston, who reveals that he was expected to endure a manicure, spray tan and wardrobe change. He apparently declined most of the makeover, but he did agree to lose the mullet. He did not share, however, whether or not he nuked another Grandma’s apple pie and hung his head in shame. Oh no.

Watch the clip below, courtesy of HLN:

Bristol and Johnston’s story has been told a lot of different ways now — by Bristol, by Levi, by Sarah Palin and the tabloids — each time pointedly and baring intention. And while both Bristol and Levi have been open about mistakes they’ve made (for Bristol, there were those “girly tasting” wine coolers; and Johnston, it seems, was not well versed in contraceptive), this is the first time it’s been suggested that the two might have decided together: “Let’s get pregnant!”

And so he-said, she-said and maybe this conversation actually did happen! What’s it matter at this point, though, if it was “all her idea”? His assumption that the pregnancy was meant by Bristol to serve revenge seems like a certain disavowal of responsibility on his part, like a perhaps Freudian misinterpretation of mother-daughter jealousies, and like an attempt to further stir the Palin pot — which, truthfully, has kept him fed and with publishers all these years later. It all doesn’t seem so much vindictive on his part as it does typically jejune — much like the rest of the young parent’s spits that have drawn so much attention.

“You have a pretty gutsy family,”Hannity told he as he began his interview, confessing that, while he was “really dumb” as a teenager, he would never reveal the mistakes he made in his youth in the book the way the younger Palin has. Palin explained that she saw her book as a form of service: “I know that putting it all out there… that will eventually help somebody.” She noted that she made many mistakes and “owns up” to them, clarifying once again that, while admitting she remembered little about her son’s conception, “I’m not accusing Levi [Johnston] of rape or anything like that,” but just analyzing her behavior “through older and wiser eyes.”

Hannity also asked her about her relationship to Meghan McCain during 2008, and Palin was very quick to distance herself. “We come from two completely different worlds,” she said of Sen. John McCain‘s daughter, noting that, unlike McCain, “I do things for myself. I’ve had a job since I was really little.” She also mentioned the fact that her hobbies were far different from McCain’s: “I don’t know if she goes out hunting and fishing and stuff like that.”

While the odds of Palin having to interact with McCain anytime soon are slim, the political world may be at her doorstep still, as she said she wold “absolutely” campaign for her mother should she decide to run, a decision that has yet to be made publicly. “What happens at our kitchen table stays at our kitchen table.”

The segment via Fox News below:

Palin is addressing those concerns, telling USA Today that the drunken encounter was “a dumb decision,” and sharing that she had agreed to it with the hope that she and Johnston would one day marry:

I’m not accusing Levi of date rape by any means. I’m just honestly looking back on it with the eyes of an adult. That was five years ago, and I’m realizing that it was a dumb decision.

She also offers a revealing glimpse into the new career that ultimately stemmed from her decision to have premarital sex with Johnston – that of the poster girl for abstinence:

I hate the word abstinence. My mom knows I hate that word, everyone knows I hate that word. People think that I’m just “abstinence only, do not have sex.” No. If you’re going to have sex, practice safe sex. But the best option to prevent teen pregnancy is to not have sex.

Of course, simply because Palin now describes that first encounter as a “decision” and not rape does not necessarily mean Alaska statutes concerning sexual offenses agree that she was capable and legally able of giving her consent.

Take a look at video from Palin’s USA Today interview:

Thank you to reader Cory for the tip.

Every time we saw Meghan, she seemed to be constantly checking us out, comparing my family to hers and complaining. Oh the complaining.

That pot and kettle look kind of cozy together, no?

Bristol also has a healthy dose of ire reserved for McCain’s mother, Cindy McCain who, she shares, offered to be the godmother of her child, a move that rubbed Bristol the wrong way. She adds that the McCains often traveled with lots and lots of Louis Vuitton luggage, various cell phones, and a slew of helpers and assistants.

In her book, Bristol also reveals that, though underage, she had been drunk on wine coolers when she lost her virginity to then-boyfriend Levi Johnston. ” I didn’t know,” she writes, “that girly flavored wine coolers were just as likely to get you drunk as the hard stuff.” She notes that the two remained intimate despite having pledged to stop, and that Johnston cheated on her often throughout their tumultuous relationship. When he learned she was expecting a child, he simply said that it “had better be a [fish]ing boy.”

But the book isn’t all criticism and gossip. On a more positive note, Bristol devotes some page space to chronicling her charitable work:

Palin describes seeing an 8-month-old boy at a cholera treatment center whose mother had recently passed away. The baby’s father was caring for him and six other children. She writes, “I could tell by his emotion and urgency that he was trying to give the baby up for a chance at life.”

“I actually offered to take the baby home,” she continues, “but you obviously can’t just pick up a child and take him out of the country! (It felt wrong to leave him there, though, whatever ‘the system.’)”

Will you be picking up Palin’s book?

h/t ABC News

Johnston’s manager, Tank Jones, made the case for his client:

Oprah’s had Bristol Palin and Sarah Palin, Levi wants to be on her show. He wants to tell his side of the story.

If indeed invited onto the show, Johnston would likely discuss his upcoming memoir, Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs, which is set to be a heartwarming coming-of-age story about a young boy who falls deeply in love with a young girl, drinks deep from the red plastic Dixie cup of fame once his girlfriend’s mother finds herself in the national spotlight, has an unplanned child, breaks up with said young girl, poses nude, then tries to obtain a spot on a popular talk show through a man who named Tank. It’s a story to which many young Americans can relate, and it finally allows Johnston – a veritable fawn hunted down from a helicopter – to finally get some much-needed attention.

Do it, Oprah. For America.

h/t New York Post

Yes, Levi Johnston is writing a book and it has the absolutely amazing title, “Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs.” While this creates a slightly confusing combination of metaphors (is deer-Levi getting shot or run over?), it also brings to mind the absolutely hilarious image of Sarah Palin commandeering John McCain’s Straight Talk Express and using it to flatten helpless animals while Johnston (wearing antlers) can only watch from the tracks ahead. At least it does for me.

From the Los Angeles Times:

“‘Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs,’ is being billed as a coming-of-age story and is due out in the fall.

‘I want to tell the truth about my close relationship with the Palins, my sense of Sarah and my perplexing fall from grace — how I feel and what I’ve learned,’ Johnston said in a statement released by his publisher, Touchstone Publishing.

‘Levi is going to talk about everybody, including Sarah Palin, and the rest of the family — Bristol too,’ Johnston’s manager, Tank Johnson, told RadarOnline. ‘The book will have good stuff. He isn’t leaving anything out.’”

“Perplexing fall from grace?” That would imply that grace can only be obtained by playing hockey, going camping, hanging out with the boys, doing some fishing, shooting some sh*t and just f**kin’ chillin’ which…I really can’t argue with.

That brilliant words, of course, come from Johnston’s MySpace page which was scrubbed clean by the McCain team shortly after it was revealed that he was the father of a potential Vice-Presidential grandson. I remember reading that page and thinking, back in 2008, that Levi Johnston might have the greatest political story in our modern times. Just think about it. Some poor, everyday dope, a proud “f**cking redneck,” gets suddenly forced into a national election all because he forgot to wear a condom one time. The possibilities for poignant human comedy are absolutely endless. I’m being completely serious.

However, I’ve always thought the story would work best as a loosely fictionalized version à la Primary Colors, and I certainly never imagined it being written by the young man himself. Who knows, though. Maybe Johnston (or, ahem, his ghost writer) will surprise us. It definitely is a good story.

(h/t Wonkette)

This can’t possibly be a morale boost for Palin HQ: given a choice between the former Alaska governor and the former Two and a Half Men protagonist, 41% of independents would rather see a president with tiger blood and Adonis DNA than have the Palin clan make the trek to D.C. from Wasilla, while only 36% would rather see Sarah Palin in office. Democrats, meanwhile, would support Sheen over Palin by a 44-24 margin. Her overwhelming victory among Republicans, however, has Palin beating Sheen overall by 49% to 29% overall.

When Charlie Sheen first went on his “funemployment” media blitz, his comments on Thomas Jefferson suggested an interest in history. May this poll also shed light on a potential future for Sheen in politics? Of course not– the results have no effect on anything remotely resembling the reality of the 2012 elections (we hope– claiming otherwise would require an acknowledgment of the possibility of Charlie Sheen actually running for office). Not to mention that Sheen is, hilariously, one of the least liked people in America:

Sheen is one of the most unpopular figures we’ve ever polled on. 10% of Americans rate him favorably to 67% with a negative opinion of him. The only people we’ve ever found worse numbers for are Rod Blagojevich in Illinois (an 8/83 favorability spread), Jesse Jackson Jr. in Illinois (a 10/73 favorability), and Levi Johnston in Alaska (a 6/72 favorability). Sheen’s -57 spread ties what we found for John Edwards in North Carolina the last time we polled him (15/72).

Yes, the only people more hated than Sheen are a bunch of slimy politicians and professional person-who-exists Levi Johnston. But, hey, you can’t count out a winner, right?

Ms. Griffin has used the Palin clan for her “comedy” material before. Last summer, while filling in for a vacationing Larry King, she had on as guest Sarah Palin grand-baby daddy Levi Johnston. This was a follow-up to Johnston’s attending the Teen Choice Awards as Griffin‘s guest the night before. She later revealed that the “romantic” relationship between Johnston and herself was merely a publicity ploy (duh!)

Griffin may have been guilty of misjudging her audience on this particular joke, but she went with it, even challenging the audience to boo more (which allowed her to “own” the failed joke.) Watch the clip from VH1 below, which includes a subject-changing introduction of Jersey Shore’s Snooki and Mike “The Situation” Sorrento:

Really though, did we expect the meeting of these media giants to go any different? In was awesomely awkward from the beginning, when Johnston tried to give Maher a pretty rose, all the way through Maher giving his guest a long plea to quit his campaign and move out of Wasilla. However, as uncomfortable as it may have been at times, Johnston’s welcome was nonetheless quite warm. Hell, Maher even offered to get him high after the show. It makes sense though. As the host pointed out, Sarah Palin has feuded with half of the people in front of the camera and, as we all know, my enemy’s enemy and all that.

So, if you want to see an interview that answers such riveting questions as what condom brand Levi Johnston prefers, this is the video for you! Check it out, from Real Time, below:
(via HBO)

We’re watching a circus, it’s a side show. Let’s just make the media Barnum and Bailey.

While some may feel this aptly describes Glenn Beck’s show, it’s probably worth noting that Beck rarely jumps on the news meme bandwagon, so if there is a Beck circus it is generally of his own making (cookies and all). Regardless, it’s hard to argue that this election cycle is anything but a circus. Watch below.

Alaska’s former first daughter, though, had a different explanation: as she told People magazine, “The final straw was him flying to Hollywood for what he told me was to see some hunting show but come to find out it was that music video mocking my family … He’s just obsessed with the limelight and I got played.”

Now the clip in question has been released onto the internets. The video, which is set to Brittani Senser‘s tuneless slow jam “After Love,” shows a pretty young couple (Senser and Johnston) being torn asunder by Senser’s stern mother, who repeatedly hits her daughter in the face to express her displeasure with Johnston. Before the music starts, she also voices her disaproval to Senser, saying, “You need to end it now. You understand me?” The statement is punctuated by a slap. At least the woman’s not also wearing glasses, a red power suit, and an updo.

For his part, Johnston spends much of the video sensually caressing Senser. (So much for “more involved” acting.) Near the end of the song, his character is pulled over by a police officer, apparently at the behest of Senser’s meddling mother.

Watch “After Love” for yourself below.

[h/t Newser.]

If they sounded familiar, it’s because they were the exact same ones Katie Couric asked Sarah Palin during that infamous interview.

To set up the Q&A, O’Donnell brought up the record low 6% approval ratings Levi has in Alaska. “I don’t know a whole lot, you know?” said Johnston.

Then, it was the Couric questions – from the “what newspapers and magazine do you read” question to foreclosures and Pakistan. What did we learn? Well, Johnston said he didn’t know the answer a lot. He also revealed that he doesn’t “believe in abstinence,” but anyone could have probably made an educated guess about that one. “If you think they were tough, you’re not the only one,” said O’Donnell after the quiz was over.

The Last Word blog has an interesting post about the interview, furthering the Sarah vs. Levi debate. They present the video below, as well as the original Couric sit-down with Palin. “Let’s compare and contrast,” writes Sarah Muller. “Who performed better?”

O’Donnell’s interview was entirely tongue-in-cheek, which made it ultimately less about informing than about entertaining. But it was undeniably entertaining:

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Van Susteren’s warm demeanor – and previous experience with the Palins – serves her quite well in making the daughter of Sarah Palin feel comfortable enough to also address more controversial topics such as Meghan McCain‘s new book and the father of her son Tripp, Levi Johnston.

One can easily imagine that Bristol Palin is thrilled that, now, when she’s talking about “The Situation,” she’s talking about a fellow contestant on a hit competitive reality show, and not about something entirely different.

Despite being a veteran of the show, though with mom Sarah in tow, she seemed a bit timid this time around at the beginning, explaining how she got onto Dancing with the Stars in the first place (a text message she received at the dermatologist’s office she works at) and awkwardly answering high school questions like “Did you go to prom?” (answer: “No, I was pregnant.”).

And then Leno gave her space to talk Levi, and suddenly she became both much more comfortable on the hot seat and delightfully, almost scathingly witty. Sure, the audience laughed when she said she wasn’t heartbroken, and she still seemed a bit dismayed when she described the pre-fame Levi as “a hard-working Alaskan man,” but when it came to his run for mayor of Wasilla, she had some important civic questions about his ability to run. “Well, he needs to move to Wasilla,” she answered, “and he needs a GED.”

There were also two other moments of extreme awkwardness to note: Leno makes a “rhythm” joke about pregnancy that earns him a fairly angry glare from his guest, and his other guest, outspoken Palin critic Louis C.K., is somehow drawn into a dance lesson with Bristol and her partner.

It’s already been speculated before that this season of Dancing with the Stars will be fantastic, but none of that speculation hinged on Bristol’s personality so much as her existence around larger personalities like, say, “The Situation.” Now that we have a bit more of a perspective on what she can be like when you cross her, we can’t wait to see her interactions with the rest of the cast.

The interview via NBC, in two parts, below:

Johnston said the apology was his only regret because it made him sound like “a liar.” Not only that, he implied, to CBS’ Betty Nguyen, that he hadn’t even written it. From CBS News:

“‘That was,’ he told Nguyen, ‘something I did to make my fiancée happy. You know, she wanted it. So we wrote something down and we sent it out because that’s what she wanted.’

‘Did she write it or did you write it?’

‘I’m not gonna get into all that. But I’m just gonna say that, together, we put it out there.’

Why would he say something if it wasn’t true?

‘Trust me, it’s easier to make them (the Palins) happy. … If you gotta live with them, you gotta make them happy.’

While this may sound like an unnecessary swipe at the family, you do kind of have to remember that, outside of all the politics and TV cameras, this is really just a guy talking about the parents of his ex-fiancee. Not an easy conversation to have in any case. I mean, imagine if a news crew tried interviewing you about some of your exes? And even if he failed to be entirely cordial, it at least seemed like he gave it a bit of a try. When Bristol and her burgeoning TV career came up, you could see a whole cloud of bitterness cross his eyes and we can only assume that there were much worse things he’d like to say.

But some of that bitterness did manage to squeak through when Nguyen asked him about Bristol’s accusations that he was “obsessed with fame”:

“In an interview with People magazine, Bristol accused Johnston of ruining their relationship with his hunger for fame, saying he’s obsessed with the limelight and, as Nguyen put it, ‘that she was played.’

‘I don’t think I’m any more obsessed with making a career out of this than she is,’ Johnston countered. ‘Obviously, she’s doing ‘Dancing with the Stars.’”

Love him or hate him, that is a fair point.

We can report to you exclusively that Sarah Palin‘s 19-year-old daughter Bristol Palin has been cast on the 11th season of DWTS, set to premiere Sept. 20.

As for the reports that David Hasselhoff, Audrina Patridge, The Situation and Brandy will also be part of the cast, here’s the real deal: All true, according to sources.

All true according to sources! Phew. It is going to be a banner year. Maybe this is Bristol’s revenge on Levi for his philandering — the two were rumored to be starring together in their own reality show, up until they split and it became a Levi solo project. One thing I can say with assurance is that Steve Krakauer will be excited, ideally this line-up will result in Levi getting into a jealous feud with The Situation over Bristol.

Johnston reportedly filed the paperwork on Friday necessary to make him eligible to run for mayor of Wasilla, or presumably mayor, he actually left the office he intends to run for blank. From CNN:

Filing a letter of intent is typically the first step local politicians take when seeking elected office. Johnston’s filing permits him to accept campaign contributions.

In the Alaska Public Offices Commission form letter, Johnson filled out a blank stating he intends to run for office in the “City of Wasilla 2011″ election but did not declare an office. But, Stone & Company Entertainment confirmed to CNN on August 10 that it is actively shopping a show that will feature Johnston running for mayor.

Current Wasilla Mayor Verne Rupright notes that while it is early to file — the seat isn’t up till next year — it’s maybe not such a bad idea in Levi’s case: “Since I am nearly old enough to be Levi’s grandfather I think it would be wise for him to get a high school diploma and keep his clothes on. The voters like that!”

Johnston had previously complained that Bristol and her mother, Sarah Palin, had been preventing him from seeing his child. On the other end of the discussion, Bristol Palin had complained of not getting any child support from Johnston, who made some money as a Playgirl pinup and doing several media events. Now, both parents will be able to see the child on a regular basis and cooperate in parenting. CNN reports:

Under the agreement, Johnston gets visitation rights two days a week, while Palin gets primary physical custody of their son Tripp. The couple will share legal custody, Johnston’s lawyer told the Associated Press.

No word on whether the release of Johnston’s new music video or the proposed launch of his political career will have an impact on the relationship.

The interview is friendly, but Kimmel’s pretty solid smackdown to end the segment leaves Johnston speechless.

Kimmel introduced Johnston as “to Sarah Palin what voicemail is to Mel Gibson.” After asking what his status with the Palin family is at this point, Levi reveals he thinks it’s finally over, for good. “I think they kinda kicked me out now,” he said. “For permanently.”

Instead, he’s going to focus on being Mayor of Wasilla. “i think I’m gonna be the best mayor I can be,” he told Kimmel. Kimmel pressed him: “But you don’t really want to be the mayor actually right?” But since Kimmel “would love to see you become the Mayor” he helped him with some potential campaign slogans and swag. One bumber sticker: “Elect me Mayor or I’ll date all your daughters.”

The best part came at the end, with an analogy the Levi-haters (or Sarah Palin fans) will surely love. Kimmel couldn’t contain his laughter as he laid this one out:

I want to congratulate you on is the torment you have – it’s like there’s this huge bear and you’re this little mouse, just pecking away at the bear’s feet. And the bear would like nothing more than to swat you and crush you and literally kill you, but you will not be killed.

And then, Levi was silent.

Here’s part one, and below – the campaign advice:

Kimmel’s campaign advice, and the bear/mouse analogy:

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Case in point. Some local New Hampshire Democrats took the death of Ted Stevens in an airplane crash earlier this week as an opportunity to wish death on Sarah Palin…also Levi. From the website NowHampshire:

There’s only one way the tragic airplane crash in Alaska that ended the life of former-U.S. Senator Ted Stevens could have been better, according to New Hampshire Democratic activist and State Rep. candidate Keith Halloran: If Sarah Palin had been on it.

In a Facebook post, Halloran, who describes himself as “an active local citizen and supporter of NH Governor John Lynch,” said of the plane crash, “Just wish Sarah and Levy were on board.”

He was not alone. “”Natch Greyes, a staffer for Democratic Rep. and Senate hopeful Paul Hodes tweeted the following on July 21st: “I have to wonder if & or when @sarahpalinusa will learn the meaning of our state motto: “live free or die.””

Makes one wonder whether Google Goggles should not just be limited to Gmail between the hours of midnight and 6am.

Update: Another NY pol, Rep. Timothy Horrigan, who made similar remarks on his Facebook has now resigned.

The former Playgirl cover model, 20, is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska — and documenting it in his reality show, Loving Levi: The Road to the Mayor’s Office, the executive producer, Canaan Rubin, tells UsMagazine.com in a statement. “The docu-soap will follow the ever controversial, headline making, matinee idol, handsome father of one as he embarks on a run for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska… [the] series will chronicle a ‘no-holds-barred’ period in Levi’s tumultuous life; co-raising his son Tripp, looking for love, and taking care of business for his fellow Wasillians. He will give us a real inside look into who he is as a father, a skilled hunter, an avid dirt biker, and of course his journey down the road of small town politics — right after he gets his high school diploma.”

Also, he is promising to serve out his full term, and you just know that will be in the tag line if it gets picked up. Admittedly, as far as reality TV is concerned, is it a bit of a stroke of genius; most politics feels like some sort of skewed reality show these day, none more than Sarah Palin.

While US Weekly makes the show sound like a done deal, Brian Stelter at the New York Times clarifies that it’s still in the pitch stage.

Proposals for television shows are generally not announced until they have a backing of a distributor. Asked why Mr. Johnston’s show was publicized ahead of time, Canaan Rubin, an executive producer, said in an e-mail, “That’s common to do.”

“A pilot is in preproduction and several networks are interested (we knew a few of them would be before the announcement),” Mr. Rubin wrote.

The interested networks have not been identified.

To further gin up interest in the potential show, Mr. Johnston and the producers talked to the Hollywood publication Variety about it this week. In an interview published on Monday, Mr. Johnston “admitted that he wasn’t thrilled at first about the mayoral campaign concept,” according to the publication.

But he’s on board now, and he promises to serve a full term if elected.

From TMZ:

Sources close to Johnston tell TMZ he signed a new reality deal this weekend, one that doesn’t include everyone’s favorite unwed teen mother from Alaska.

We’re told Levi will actually begin shooting in Los Angeles on Monday and then cameras will follow him back to Alaska. No word yet on what the exact format will be, though several networks are said to be interested.

Also, no word on whether Levi’s newly single status will make him less boring, something TV execs were worried about a few weeks back. Considering Levi’s Penthouse foray the last time the media caught up with him single one worries the answer is probably yes.

Oh Levi. Not to be a cynic, but if Bristol and Levi really are pitching a reality show, and that show really is on the rocks, this could (yes, sadly) be a great new way to gin up interest. Hey, if they’re capable of keeping their engagement from Mama Sarah anything is possible.

You really can’t make this stuff up. This is the plot of the video, according to the New York Post:

“According to a written description of the video’s story line, the couple share tender moments before they are driven apart by the young woman’s mother. Unaware that her mom’s interference forced her boyfriend to go, she “throws herself into her mother’s arms. She tells her mother that she was wrong about Levi.”

Well, we know at least one Mama Grizzly who fits the description in the video, but unlike the rest of America, Team Johnston doesn’t seem to worried about the possible consequences (a personalized Facebook note) of irking Sarah Palin. Johnston’s attorney, Rex Butler, who is involved in this music video business for some reason, told the Post that he’s not concerned “about what Gov. Palin would want” and that Johnston “should be able to turn in a good performance,” even though “something like this is a little more involved” than his pistachio commercial. Sounds like it’s not much of a speaking role.

Levi Johnston’s neverending ride on the fame train is as irresistible as it is inexplicable.

[Photo via NY Daily News]

Singer/songwriter Ben Folds is writing a a song about him and his life!

The song, with the live audio released on YouTube, is part of an upcoming collaboration between Nick Hornby and Folds. It begins: “Woke up this morning, what do I see? 3,000 cameras pointing at me. Dude says, ‘You Levi?’ I’m like, ‘Yes, that’s me, sir.’ ‘Well you just knocked up the VP nominee’s daughter.’”

The chorus actually borrows directly from Johnston’s now-defunct MySpace page that became popular after Sarah Palin was announced as the GOP VP nominee. This is a pretty classic hook – but it makes it even better that it came from Levi himself:

I’m a fuckin’ redneck, I like to hang out with the boys
Play some hockey, do some fishing, and kill some moose.
I like to shoot the shit and do some chillin’, I guess.
Ya fuck with me and I’ll kick your ass.

Well, now the proposed reality show has a theme song…

Here’s the audio (h/t Perez Hilton):

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Perhaps the cash will assuage the disappointment over the lack of interest in Palin and Johnston’s long-rumored reality show. The Post is also reporting the two have been shopping the show about their upcoming wedding and life together to little fanfare.

Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are hoping to launch a reality show about their upcoming wedding and life as newlyweds with son, Tripp, 2. But network honchos aren’t enthusiastic. “Don’t think we should do it. Neither of them have personalities,” said one cable honcho…But Levi will bring in his sister and other relatives to make it work.

Should any of this be true the solution seems obvious to me: someone needs to approach Kathy Griffin about reality nanny duties.

“Bristol, at 19, is now a young adult. As parents we obviously want what is best for our children, but Bristol is ultimately in charge of determining what is best for her and her beautiful son.

Bristol believes in redemption and forgiveness to a degree most of us struggle to put in practice in our daily lives.

We pray that, as a couple, Bristol and Levi’s relationship matures into one that will allow Tripp to grow up graced with two loving parents in his life”

- The Palin Family

Alas, among the things this short statement does not address is whether Palin was aware of the engagement prior to this morning’s cover release — I find it nearly impossible to believe she wasn’t. Also unclear is whether this new brevity on the part of Palin when it comes to family matters — we are talking about a woman who issued multiple Facebook notes on Piper’s vulnerability in the aftermath of Joe McGinniss‘ arrival next door — or merely a temporary stop-gap while Palin decides her next best move media-wise. There was some speculation earlier this morning that Levi’s return to the fold was yet another sign that Palin was keen to wrap up loose ends now that her presidential ambitions appear more serious, so perhaps this new brevity is a sign she intends to keep her family out of the spotlight going forward. But I doubt it.

But oh! Our lovebirds have a problem! Looming over their story of perfect togetherness is a giant Mama Grizzley, rearing up on her hind legs and letting out a mighty roar. Because isn’t that what mama grizzlies do? Says Bristol — whose wedding announcement on the cover of Us Weekly purportedly breaks the news to her parents, too — ” “It is intimidating and scary just to think about what her reaction is going to be.” Cue image of the Mama Grizzley, Ricky Hollywood hanging helplessly from her maw.

So: Is it any wonder that I — we — love this? The extended reality show of the Palin family has been a national obsession since they burst onto the scene in late August 2008 with Palin’s selection as John McCain‘s VP running mate and then the bombshell of her unwed pregnant daughter, and then arrayed across the stage at the RNC in a tableau of the perfect post-modern American family, and then getting engaged, blissfully and responsibly, and then splitting up acrimoniously after the birth of their son, careening wildly away from each other down a seemingly irreversible path. “Going Rogue” has not only been the title of Palin’s book, it’s been a way of life for the entire family.

But — love it though I do, I’m not that naive. (Okay except maybe for the detail about how Levi put the ring for Bristol within a heart made of rose petals. You kids!) There are three possibilities here. One, Sarah Palin is really finding all this out now — on the cover of Us Weekly, somehow hidden from her during the magazine’s trip to and photoshoot in Alaska — in which case Bristol has gone majorly rogue and we’re about to see some interesting power struggles unfold. She’s her own Mama Grizzly now, after all, and BabyDaddy makes three. So we’d potentially see some unpredictible, potentially awesome moments in the campaign months to come.

Two, Palin knew about the engagement and it may even be part of some larger, much more cynical scenario involving a reality show, as Gawker is speculating, and the perfect family story arc of redemption and forgiveness that neatly reinstates the family tableau from the RNC, through a story of Palin’s personal growth and maturity and forgiveness (which note she seems to be withholding right now: “Bristol believes in redemption and forgiveness to a degree most of us struggle to put in practice in our daily lives”).The triumphant return of the Palin brood, now with two more highly telegenic, highly likeable spokespeople reaching a whole other constituency.

And three, Bristol and Levi reunited naturally — and then Palin stepped in to direct the rollout. Either way, this new arc for Sarah Palin and her entire family is pretty much gold.

Eight months ago, Levi Johnston was esconced in a banquette at The Box, flanked by porn stars and the most debaucherous of New York City’s most liberal media elite, about to be presented with an award in the form of an 11-inch sterling-silver sex toy. Now, he’s back in the Palin brood, Bristol by his side, their baby in his arms — for better or for worse, but at least this time, for good. And one can’t help but notice the timing for money-raising thinly-veiled-campaign-commercial-producing Mama Bear Grizzley-media master Sarah Palin. The the story unfolds, the drama compounds — and the head spins, just like it always does with Sarah Palin.

For now, for the rest of us, there is only to watch — and to congratulate this to innocent, adorable young couple on a joyous love reclaimed. So to them, I present these immortal words of wisdom from The Princess Bride – and if you think you might hear someone hissing “Man and wife! Say man and wife!” in the background, well, I’m sure we couldn’t blame you.

Grizzly bear shot from EnglishExercises.org via Google image; Levi Johnston Playgirl photo via HuffPo.