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Good Morning America showed a clip from yesterday’s culinary talk show The Chew, where the foodies — all snuggled up in pajamas in beds on set as they prepared to chow down on General Tso’s chicken from Chinese takeout boxes. Mario Batali joined the rest of the group and inexplicably broke the bed frame. George Stephanopoulos chuckled, and gave the ginger-bearded chef some advice. “Mario, it’s time to put down that chow mein, pick up some celery.”

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What happens when you get Brian Williams, Mario Batali, Anita Hill, Jesse Eisenberg, Grover Norquist, and Seth Meyers together in a room to discuss TIME‘s Person of The Year? Hitler references, of course!

After a landmark 1,000 issues chock-full of (fake) journalistic excellence, newspaper of fictitious record The Onion is launching a full-scale assault on the Pulitzer Prize Committee to demand an award of their own, in every possible category– including “public service.” To butter up the committee, an “independent” advocacy group is launching an initiative to send belligerent form letters to the “sick, allegedly on-the-take little cabal of excellence-rapers” that hand out the award.

It was a Very Special Super Chef Battle on Iron Chef America last night, featuring White House Executive Chef Cristeta Comerford, the White House vegetable garden, and garden proprietor (among other things) First Lady Michelle Obama. First Lady Obama joined Comerford, host Alton Brown, and the other Iron Chefs on the South Lawn to provide the night’s ‘secret ingredient’. The chefs had their fill of produce from the White House; the television event was intended to promote the benefits of home-grown vegetables and healthy eating habits.