The set-up is this, 10 actual LA tourists were brought into the FOD offices to participate in a competition where they vote each other off one by one and…well, that’s pretty much it. Add in the always hilarious Thomas Lennon as the host (did he reuse the tux from his book cover?), a ridiculous cameo midway through, and the reactions of the “contestants” that run the gamut from bewildered to bored, and you have 11 minutes of pure joy.

So, yeah, this really has nothing to do with anything, but it’s hilarious. It’s perfect watching for your lunch break. And, if your lunch break is already over, it’s perfect watching for that 20 minute span after your lunch break when you get back to your desk but can’t force yourself to do anything yet so you just stare at your computer screen and hope no one’s looking at you.

Enjoy!

A little background. MasterChef is a show where a bunch of contestants with different accents and hairstyles stand around a shiny kitchen getting yelled at by some priggish host, all the while everyone attempts to get as much product placement on camera as possible. At least I’m assuming. I’ve never watched MasterChef. However, since I’ve managed to see, well, any other cooking competition reality show ever, I’ve got an educated guess as to how it works.

Anyway, in the opening moments of a recent episode, the MasterChef producers showed footage of the “thousands who applied” waiting for the audition of their lifetime. However, a viewer noticed that the crowd had been manipulated to appear bigger with many of the people repeated throughout the shot making it look like the crowd in a sports video game from 10 years ago.

I guess, all the country’s aspiring chefs were too busy at one of the other 20 cooking shows’ auditions of a lifetime.

After the viewer posted a screen capture to Reddit, the producers of the show, Reveille Productions, released a statement to Entertainment Weekly:

“We have reviewed the footage and it’s clear that the scene was enhanced in post-production. We sincerely apologize to our viewers and hope that they still enjoyed the show.”

“Reviewed the footage?” Yeah, you guys must have been shocked. Anyway, to translate that out of TV producer talk, I believe what they said is “Yes, we faked the footage. What are you gonna do about it? It’s not like anyone who watches this show gives a crap. Hey, look! We just found a Cajun chef with spiky red hair and a face tattoo! Isn’t that outrageous!”

Hmmm, maybe I should watch this show. Watching these clips totally makes it seem like a solid batch of entertainment that, one day, when I’m on my death bed, I’ll remember fondly and be happy I spent an hour a week watching.

Watch the offending clip from Fox below. The faked bit comes around the five second mark (and, since it’s a reality show, probably every other mark as well). The full-sized image from Reddit that points out all the digital trickery is here.

(h/t The A.V. Club)

Well, the first reason is that I’m biased. It’s not that I love pornography (I acknowledge and appreciate its purpose but I’m not running off to join the industry, not that they’d have me), but I hate all reality television. Hate, hate, hate it. And I don’t say that lightly. When I was in elementary school, I once told my father that I hated all poetry and he gave me a stern lecture; Never dismiss an entire medium or artform because you’ll inevitably find an exception and you’ll sound like an idiot in the meantime. It’s a good lesson and something folks like Roger Ebert should keep in mind. However, reality television, or what most people think of when they say “reality television,” isn’t really an art form. It’s a bastardization (ahem, subset) of one (documentaries) and therefore I can dismiss shows like Jersey Shore or Flavor of Love or Keeping Up with the Kardashians without having a second thought.

But my biased hatred of watching reality television doesn’t affect the plain argument I presented because the argument is not about the viewer, but about the participant. Sure, I lose a little respect for people that watch these series, but much more for the people in them.

Both porn and reality stars consent to being exploited and degraded in front of a film crew, but here’s the difference; porn stars are exploiting their bodies while reality stars are exploiting their lives. Porn stars typically use stage names and are usually playing roles. Even if they’re not, the viewers aren’t thinking that they have sex with attractive pizza delivery men in their free time. But that’s not the case with reality stars, they’re not playing anyone. The shows are presented as if this is the real person; this is what they’re really like and this is what they really do. And, more importantly, every single reality series on the air today is purposefully shot and edited to make all or most of the cast members look bad. Seriously, think about it.

There’s a reason that so many former reality show cast members come out and complain about how they were depicted. You could say, “Well, if you didn’t want to look like an ass, you shouldn’t have acted like an ass,” but, you know what, there’s a good chance that they didn’t. Nearly everything shown in modern reality series is fake, either staged on the day or, worse yet, concocted in an editing bay. You could be a perfect angel on set and then, because the producers thought it would fit the “story line,” you’re edited to look like a monster using spare footage (watch the great video below to see how). And, when shows like the ones on MTV are constantly plying their cast members with alcohol, there’s always going to be juicy spare footage lying around.

So, suddenly, the world thinks you’re a monster. And it was all in your real name. Meanwhile porn stars, using fake names so they can escape these identities if they care to, are being shot and edited to look as good as humanly possible (with the obvious exception of porn that deals in humiliation). Society may tell us that reality stars can be public officials while porn stars should be shunned, but they’re missing the fact that it shows much worse judgement to go on one of these shows than to take off your clothes for some camera.

So why do people do it? Why would they give up their lives to some giant corporation who is going to make more money by making you look worse? Fame. And herein lies the rub. Porn stars do it for money. They may aspire to fame as many of us do, but mostly they want that fame so that they can request more money for making their movies. And I can understand that. Getting paid to stay in shape, look beautiful, and have sex on camera? It’s not something I want to do, but I understand why people would do it. But people who want to be famous for doing nothing, absolutely nothing, and are willing to sacrifice their real life and real name for it? I can’t understand that and I never will.

Porn can be disgusting. The videos a couple of my co-workers sent me proves that. But there is nothing more disgusting than a fame whore.

Yes, on Monday, a Wisconsin man named Steven Cowan decided to go all Elvis Presley on his television because he couldn’t stand to see Palin move up the ranks of the ABC competition. Smoking Gun has the police report as well as a write up of the fairly ridiculous story:

“According to a criminal complaint, Cowan’s wife called police Monday evening to report that her husband had blasted the TV and was threatening to kill himself. Cowan, who had been drinking, became angry while watching Palin, 20, perform on the ABC program.

As Palin, pictured at left, was dancing, Cowan ‘jumped up and swore, saying something to the effect of, ‘The fucking politics.’ Steven was upset that a political figure’s daughter was dancing on this particular show when Steven did not think that she was a good dancer,’ the complaint notes. Cowan is pictured in the above mug shot.

Janice Cowan told Dane County Sheriff’s Office deputies that she called 911 after her husband blasted the TV and then pointed the shotgun at her. She added that Cowan warned her that he would kill himself if she brought anyone back to their home in the town of Vermont.

After a lengthy standoff with cops, Cowan surrendered yesterday at 11 AM. He is facing disorderly conduct and weapons charges.”

Yep. This is a thing that actually happened.

Now, the very fact that this involves one of the Palin clan means that it will be analyzed and over-discussed till the cows come home. People love talking about the Palins no matter how small the reason. Some will be pointing out the obvious Tea Party conspiracy that’s been helping Bristol. Others will be pointing out that Cowan is proof that Palin-haters are a violent, dangerous lot. I’ve got another interpretation: Anyone who cares about reality TV is completely insane.

Yeah, I said it. Seriously, do these people not know how to use a remote? We are in a veritable Renaissance of televised entertainment where hundreds of channels that didn’t exist 10 years ago are all producing original content so complex and thoughtful that it’s hard to even fathom it. And, still, the most popular shows involve Jennifer Grey pretending she doesn’t already have extensive dance training. Ugh! It just makes me so angry I could…I could…

Uh oh. I better stop writing this post. I fear for the safety of Mediaite’s TVs.

UPDATE: This post originally said they guy was from Vermont. He is from Vermont but he’s from the town of Vermont, Wisconsin. Oops. Fixed.

This relatively shocking development—well, for Dancing fans, at least—might be evidence that some viewers have been voting for Palin because of who her mother is, rather than because of her ballroom skills. For weeks now, conspiracy theorists have been accusing Tea Party supporters of gaming DWTS‘s voting system to ensure that Palin doesn’t get eliminated. The craziest thing about this accusation? It might not be off-base.

Earlier today, Tracie Egan Morrissey of Jezebel took a closer look at conservative message boards, where posters reveal that they’ve been exploiting a glitch on ABC’s website that allows Dancing viewers to cast unlimited votes via email. Here’s some of what Egan Morrissey found:

Here’s a hint: They don’t have to be VALID email addresses to register them with ABC.com, there is apparently no validation process. The just have to be formatted like a valid email address, and you must use a valid zip code and a birthdate that makes you old enough to vote. I’m voting like a democrat, all night long…

No, it doesn’t have to be a valid email address – I had one of my anonymous ones XXX@yahoo.com that I used, and then just did the sign-up process all over again with XXX1@yahoo.com and it worked.

Got my 80 votes in online…took 2 hours. I am beat

I only got 42 in, I have some catching up to do!

Lord have mercy, I voted for 3 hours online! I got 300 in.

If Palin somehow comes out on top next week, when she’ll be dancing against season MVP Jennifer Grey—the recipient of numerous perfect scores—then we might know for sure that something fishy is going on. Then again, considering all that’s at stake in this competition is a tacky mirror-ball trophy, it doesn’t exactly matter who wins. Right? Right?

See a clip from tonight’s results show below.

It’s called Bridalplasty, it premieres November 28, and it is almost definitely awful. Read a more detailed description of the program if you don’t believe us. There’s no word on what the judging criteria will be, but we’re guessing it’ll have something to do with low self-esteem.

Here’s the show’s just-released teaser trailer, courtesy of The Hollywood Reporter. May God have mercy on our souls:

Here’s how it apparently went down, from Gossip Cop:

“Goldberg was not in the segment, but as the conversation went on and on between Joy Behar, Sherri Shepherd, and the D.C. Housewives, Goldberg stepped onto the show’s set, lightly tapped Salahi’s back, and told her, ‘Excuse me, can you get back to the White House, please,’ meaning she wanted Salahi to return to the subject of how she and her husband Tareq crashed President Obama’s state dinner last fall.

But that wasn’t the end of it.

Later, after hearing that Salahi was claiming she had “hit” her, an exasperated Goldberg went backstage to a room where the Salahis were, and got into a screaming match with the crashers.”

The Salahis are now accusing Goldberg of attacking Michaele. This is the official ABC response:
“At one point during Michaele Salahi’s appearance on The View on Wednesday, Whoopi lightly touched Ms. Salahi to get her attention and said to her ‘Excuse me, can you get back to the White House, please?’, meaning could Ms. Salahi return to the original subject of the conversation. After the show, Ms. Salahi and her husband accused Whoopi of hitting Ms. Salahi. As the broadcast clearly shows, the accusation was completely unfounded and erroneous. After the show and after being told she was being accused of hitting Ms. Salahi, Whoopi proceeded to defend herself verbally from this baseless claim in a heated exchange with the Salahis.”

I like how, after Michaele discussed her absurd made up drink throwing drama with her vapid castmates and after Goldberg gives her that quick jab, the other hosts let their displeasure with the White House crasher be known and Salahi uses the same condescending response she used on Lynn Berry a few months ago. “Have you ever been to the White House?” What lovely people the Salahis are.

Goldberg will be responding to the accusations on today’s show.

UPDATE: Check out Goldberg’s response here.

The time was January of 2001; humans were living in caves following the Y2K crash, the brand new HAL 9000 machines were all the rage, and a young anchor named Anderson Cooper decided to put his blossoming news career on pause to test out that “reality television” thing all the kids were talking about. Nowadays, reality TV shows are made up of all the footage that C-list celebrities have to cut from their sex tapes due to time contraints but, during the first few years of the last decade, the most popular shows featured an ethnically diverse cast of regular Joes and Joans talking smack about each other while competing in silly games for cash prizes.

The Mole, was a perfect example of this format except for one big hook. One of the contestants had a secret: They weren’t actually a millionaire!

Oh wait…I mean their secret was that they were actually a CEO in disguise!

…No that’s not it. Eh, who cares? All those shows are the same.

Anyway, the opening credits sequence below was taped only a couple years before Cooper got his regular gig on Anderson Cooper 360°. Coincidentally, 360° is just a little warmer than Cooper must have felt wearing his slick leather jacket and turtleneck combo. So check out this moment of fun from earlier in the career of one of CNN’s big stars. The guy who brings the news every day to the millions of (or thousands of) people who watch CNN!

Enjoy:

During the May 18 interview with KNMX radio in Las Vegas, N.M., Mullins said the U.S. could mine the border, install barbed wire and post signs directing would-be border jumpers to cross legally at designated checkpoints.

“We could put land mines along the border. I know it sounds crazy. We could put up signs in 23 different languages if necessary,” Mullins says in the radio interview, where he also expressed concern that terrorists could carry a nuclear weapon across the Mexican border.

Presumably the signs in 23 different languages are for unsuspecting tourists. Yesterday, Mullins clarified that he was not “advocating” the U.S. actually do that! Merely that he had heard it while campaigning and it could be a possible solution to the immigration problem. All of which begs the question: how long till some enterprising TV exec turns someone’s political campaign into a reality television show? I think it’s safe to say we’re at the point where the two would dovetail nicely.

From THR:

Sources say Discovery Communications has edged out rival A&E Networks in the bidding for the project, titled “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.” An agreement could be announced in the next few days…The former governor’s asking price was $1.2 million per episode. A network paying anywhere close to that figure would make “Alaska” one of the most expensive nature series ever produced. The high-definition program will be shot in a style similar to “Life” and “Planet Earth” and will feature Palin acting as a guide to the Alaskan outdoors.

Related: Sarah Palin’s “Planet Earth” and the End Times

Unlike Balloon Boy (which was technically fake extreme reality, I suppose) — all signs point to the Salahis wanting to be caught. After their escapade to the White House, with cameras in tow no less, they posted pictures of themselves with high level politicos on their Facebook — though the White House was actually responsible for making available the money shot (as it were). Now the couple is shopping their story around to the highest bidder (maybe). This is not a couple that appears to be terribly caught off guard by the hoopla surrounding their presidential partying.

Whether it works out in their favor remains to be seen — we all know how Balloon Boy ended up. The Secret Service interviewed the couple (for free we assume) over the weekend and says they still may press charges. Ed Rollins, appearing on CNN’s State of the Union yesterday (video below), is understandably quie angry about the whole thing and thinks the couple should be charged for trespassing. He went so far as to suggest an entirely new reality show premise for them: “These people want a reality TV show, give them one. It’s called ‘Dealing With the Federal Prosecution System of the District of Columbia.’”

Former White House press secretary Dana Perino, appearing on “Fox News Sunday With Chris Wallace” thinks that with the White House holiday season about to kick into full swing, this is just the tip of the iceberg: “What will be a concern for, I think, the social office going forward is they have their busiest season coming up. It’s the holiday season. They’ll have a lot of people coming through.” Or not. It’s entirely possible the Salahi’s have ruined Christmas for everyone. Just imagine the sort of background checks future guests are going to be required to undergo.

And with “as many as 1,000 reality participants on television at any given moment” one has to assume this is just the beginning of some sort of weird trend that will probably result in the President livestreaming events from an undisclosed location because no one will ever be allowed into the White House ever again.