Yikes. This video hurts just looking at it.

You know when you park in a parking lot and you swing open a car door and almost hit a really, really nice car and you think to yourself, “Man, I really do not want to hurt that car”? Ok, now imagine a giant, multi-car pile up involving nothing but that kind of car. That’s what happened in Japan.

There is shock today after news broke that someone completely unexpected has been charged with sexual harassment. No, not that guy. Rather a first grader from Boston. The whole thing seems pretty extraordinary because, really, if a kid that young is checking out a lady’s breasts, there’s still a good chance he’s merely hungry.

For some people, the Christmas season begins as early as the day after Thanksgiving or even Halloween. For me, though, it isn’t Christmas time till we are officially on the last page of the calendar. It just makes sense. I also don’t really get in the spirit until someone in a Santa costume has a comically horrible accident and the whole thing gets caught on camera. That makes less sense but it’s a family tradition for me so lay off.

Fortunately, thanks to a Florida mall Santa, the most magical time of the year is upon us.

Oh, the best laid plans of mice and men… Two California burglars probably thought they had the best plan to rob an ATM in an Anaheim Wienerschnitzel. Why not use napkins to cover up the security cameras, right? Napkins are everywhere in restaurants and they’re soooo sturdy!

Unfortunately, one of the napkins slipped off and the police are now looking for the two men, one of whom looked straight into the camera.

Somewhere in Delaware right now there’s probably an old man sitting in front of a convenience store an attempting to give out directions to a passer-by. “Oh, you don’t want to go down that road,” the man’s saying. “That there road’s a Nazi road.” In Delaware’s Sussex County, a local Nazi couple (oh, every town’s [...]

Larry, the official cat for 10 Downing Street, the residence of the British Prime Minister, is being accused of shirking his official duties as “mouser-in-chief.” This is somehow an actual story, but what really makes it odd is that Prime Minister David Cameron is actually defending the cat against apparent calls for it to step down from its position.

Say what you will about Anthony Weiner, at least he never tried to write off his lewd pictures as works of art. Well, one New York Democrat running for reelection has taken a rather unusual approach to his lewd photo scandal: taking down the pictures in question, but admitting he took them for an art class he took over ten years ago while pursuing his degree.

Last week I wrote about the White House “We The People” open government initiative to allow average Americans to bring their concerns directly to the president and the fallout after people learned the White House would be issuing standard responses to all of the petitions. Well, the White House is continuing to respond, and one of the latest shows the White House has no interest in studying whether or not extraterrestrial life exists beyond our planet.

Here’s a ridiculous lazy afternoon story for you. The Sowetan, an English-language South African paper is reporting a fairly horrible discovery made by a young couple who realized, just days before their wedding, that they were long-lost brother and sister. It’s like a crazy urban legend! Only real. And sad. And gross.

The calendar pages may have turned to November but, like the cats and witches aboard my subway this morning, now looking more “disheveled” than “sexy,” some vestiges of Halloween remain. So, forgive us please, if we bring you one more terrifying tale of horror and ghost sex. In Ohio, a family claims to have a haunting problem in their house. As of yet, all the ghosts have been “nice” although two of them have apparently taken it upon themselves to begin making sweet spook love in the family’s living room.

Best story ever alert!

Imagine you’re Alex Torres, a California man. You want to get the attention of Howard Stern, but how? Lets see…you’re a porn star as well as a skydiving instructor, you own a camera, and your friendly with the skydiving school’s pretty receptionist. Is there any possible way to use all those elements together. Hmmm…

Here’s a ridiculous story that’s perfect for Halloween.

The Associated Press is reporting that a Toronto emergency medical crew was called to the scene of an accident and quickly faced what appeared to be the worst accident they had ever seen. Presumably there was blood ever, skin hanging from people’s faces, limbs severed or removed. It must have been horrible! However, the paramedics quickly realized that all the gore was fake. They’d been called to the set of the new Resident Evil movie and all the victims were actors playing zombies.

The term “water hazard” takes on a whole new level at a golf course in Australia. It seems that the broken banks of a flooded river in Queensland, Australia led to six bullsharks to live in a lake in th emiddle of Carbrook Golf Clube in Brisbane.

It probably happened to every American little boy at some point or another. You tied a towel around your neck, shoved a repulsive amount of gel in your hair, put underwear on over your pants, and looked into the mirror only to find that you still hadn’t become into Superman. So, what do you do? Well, if you’re 35-year-old Philippine Herbert Chavez, you spend years and tons of money getting plastic surgeons to finish the job.

At first glance, the story looks like just another situation where a teacher is trying to take religion out of the country’s schools. However, the story of the California teacher who banned the saying of “bless you” after someone sneezes is actually much odder. It turns out that Steve Cuckovich’s reasoning really has nothing to [...]

Some jokes are just so good they will never die. While others eventually waste away, languishing in increasing obscurity alongside the “That’s what she said” and “Where’s the beef?”s of the world, some will live forever. One such joke is the name “Mike Hunt” and the act of getting someone to say it aloud. Sure, the gag was old when the characters in Porky’s did it (not just in the 1982 movie but also in the film’s 50′s-set world), but it’s still funny today in 2011.

That’s why the video of city councilmen in Los Angeles looking for a “Mike Hunt” is still worthy of posting.

Here’s kind of a good news/bad news type of story.

In Brazil, a young woman was called in to identify the body of her mother. When they brought the body out, Rosangela Celestrino got wonderful good news; her mother was actually still alive! The bad news? This means she was stuck in a refrigerated morgue drawer for two hours.

We’ve had quite a few posts about the awesome parts of dog ownership recently, perhaps it’s time for another side. In Rhode Island, a family’s pitbull got out of the back yard and went on a rampage which left three children injured, one hospitalized, and some pretty incredible security camera footage in its wake. The footage is from a small barber shop that the dog got in and began attacking the patrons and employees.

Yeah, consider this a post for the cat people out there.

First off, for those who read the headline and got nervous, no, she didn’t die. We’re not really much for that Darwin Awards-style humor here.

Anyway, a Massachusetts woman was hospitalized after accidentally walking right into a train because she was distracted by lighting her cigarette. Remember, kids, smoking is bad for your health.

In West Virginia, a 23-year-old woman has been accused of stealing a hearse. The bigger problem is that, when she made the theft, there was actually a body still inside.

The body thing’s pretty bad but I can totally understand stealing a hearse. I mean, this lady was probably just upset Chrysler stopped making PT Cruisers. Where else is she supposed to get cars that look like that?

There’s nothing more discouraging than growing up and discovering that your favorite movies as a kid could never really come true. Like when you read articles explaining that time travel is impossible no matter how cool your DeLorean is or when you discover that the MLB actually has very specific rules against letting 12-year-olds play. [...]

Here we go. Yet another story about a repressive religion whose culture and traditions comes up against modern society and how they and the people around them just can’t get along. Yes, it’s another story about…wait, who? The Amish? Oh, ok.

In Kentucky, nine Amish men have been arrested for refusing to pay the fines after they broke traffic laws by not affixing bright orange traffic triangles to their vehicles.

Here at Mediaite, we write and read a lot of headlines. Seriously, a lot. It gets so bad that we start beginning conversations in headline style in our daily life (“Apartment Needs Milk.” “Roommate Late On Rent, Landlord Angry”). So, when we see a particularly masterful headline, we take notice. And there have been few this week as wonderful as this one from the New York Post: “Florida ‘vampire’ attacks senior citizen at vacant Hooters.”

Here’s an interesting story. So interesting that, when I sent it to my editor as a passive aggressive insult, he misunderstood it as a story pitch.

A new psychological study has found that 25% of “company high-flyers” may actually be psychopaths, able to move up in the business through charm and “business language.” These findings are fascinating and also may help me conclude my own year-long experiment in which I’ve tried to come up with a headline that will get posted on more cubicle walls than a Dilbert comic. Take that, Scott Adams.

The dystopia is now. We live in a world where we’re constantly being watched. Where Big Brother can see everything we do through the use of millions and millions of cameras and satellites. No one is safe. Not even those who are supposed to be serving The Man.

Never has that been better shown than in this story of a New Mexico state police officer in serious trouble due to surveillance camera footage. Big Brother has clearly brought him down and, judging by the fact that the footage shows him having sex with a woman on the hood of his car while in full uniform, he is clearly the man.