“I have to run to Zales to get a ‘Kobe Special.’”

— Tiger Woods, allegedly to a friend in the wake of his wild Thanksgiving weekend in the doghouse.

TMZ is reporting that Woods mentioned the “Kobe Special” on Friday, leaving his friend confused at his facetious reference. What’s the Kobe Special, the friend asked. “A house on a finger,” Woods said, referring to the massive diamond basketball star Kobe Bryant bought for his wife after his own domestic ordeal (and infidelity and rape trial — yeesh). Sounds like a joke, eh? Punch line and all. Late show writers — take notes!

But hey — humor heals all, even facial lacerations, which Woods suffered allegedly at the hands of his wife, who may or may not have caught him in an affair and chased him from the house with a golf club, causing a one car accident. Or, as Woods put it to his friend according to TMZ, his wife had “gone ghetto.”

Funny jokes? Made up quotes? Inappropriate either way? You decide.

(photo via TMZ)

Tiger Woods has released a statement via his website about this weekend’s tabloid dream car accident, and yet things remain as vague as ever. BNO News is reporting that while Woods has no legal obligation to give a statement to police, he has cancelled his police interview for the third time today.

Florida police have released the 911 call made by the golf star’s neighbor at the time of the accident. Listen below, but first, Woods’ statement:

As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore.

This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.

The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.

This incident has been stressful and very difficult for Elin, our family and me. I appreciate all the concern and well wishes that we have received. But, I would also ask for some understanding that my family and I deserve some privacy no matter how intrusive some people can be.

(photo via)