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Jersey Shore, Double Episode: Israeli Stalkers, The Situation Is Not A Sweetheart

“We’re gonna rock that shit out like we do every night,” says Snooki, who is very excited. But when they arrive at the paramount of class, the Tropicana. All her roommates want to nap, but Snooki is ready to party. She drinks wine and attempts to have a bubble bath. Video is necessary, so it is below. “It feels like a porno honestly,” she says.

At dinner, The Situation wants to trash talk. He has “ammo” reserved for each of his roommates, so he wants them to start with him. His pre-planned trash talk consists of the most bland material – Ronnie has a unibrow, Snooki is short. But then he offends. “Can I have a roll?” asks Snooki, already annoyed. “You already got a couple,” says The Situation and that is not cool. Snooki reveals she had eating problems in high school. “I wanted to stab him in the fucking eyeball with my fork,” she says. He apologizes later, but not really. He basically ignores it but says, “by the time we got to the club it was somewhat forgotten.”

At the club, The Situation continues his descent into dickdom. Vinny makes out with a girl, goes to the bathroom, and then The Situation pulls “a robbery move on him.” Vinny is grossed out. “She has my saliva in her mouth,” he says.

Jwoww and The Situation argue. Jwoww is not feeling well, and she wants The Situation to come up to the hotel room with her, but he’s not moving. So she gets kicked out after hitting him. “She got kicked out of the club like the piece of trash that she is,” he says. Back at the room she actually punches him in the face, and it is broken up by “private protective services.”

Now Jwoww is sad, and wants to leave. “If you leave I’m gonna stuff your fucking nose with tampons,” says Snooki. She really cares. Jwoww will not leave.

The Israeli girl Danielle keeps showing up on the boardwalk. Upon her second impromptu appearance, she presents Pauly D with a custom shirt that says “I Love Jewish Girls” with an Italian flag. It’s a nice, albeit slightly creepy, gesture. “Hell no I’m not wearing that shirt,” says Pauly D. “At this point I’m starting to think ‘she’s mad weird that chick.'”

She continues randomly appearing, and now it’s on full stalker status. Pauly D leaves the phone off the hook so Danielle doesn’t call. In the morning, he has to talk to her. “I just met the girl, she already stalks my whole life,” he says in a post-interview. But on the phone, after she flips out on him, he counters. “If you weren’t such a fucking stalker I would have called you when I got home,” he says, and hangs up on her. Of course, she appears later in the episode, and they go home together.

The Situation, appearing more delusional than usual, is convinced Sweetheart has a crush on him. “It’s obvious,” he says. “It goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.”

Eventually, Ronnie, Vinny and Sweetheart hold an ego-vention, and inform The Situation he has changed. Now Michael Sorrentino (he’s out of The Situation mode) is mad. “I really don’t give a fuck what anybody thinks if they don’t like me they can go fuck themselves,” he informs the group. He wants to make the point that nobody “knows” him. “Neither does he know me neither,” says Mike. “You don’t know somebody in two days or 27 days.” Poor, misunderstood The Situation.

And then there’s another fight. Ronnie runs back, and knocks the shit-talker out in one punch. “That’s what you get for talking shit,” says The Situation, even though he had nothing to do with it. Ronnie is arrested though, and he’s going to jail. Cliffhanger! Finale!

Fistpumps.

Snooki takes A.C. and a bath:

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