Wrigley’s Chewing Gum has taken it upon themselves to invent the convenience we’ve all been waiting for: caffeinated gum. Alert Energy Caffeine Gum will go on sale next month in an effort to, as Wrigley puts it, “target consumers 25 and older who want a portable energy product that will let them control their caffeine consumption.” Finally. What will you do with all that extra time on your hands? The possibilities are endless. Here are five totally non-portable, egregiously time-consuming energy products you can finally cut out of your hectic schedule by replacing them with this savvy new chewing gum.
There's no cross domain hackery or tracking voodoo, it's just some sweet jQuery animations.
Please, think of the animations.
In the meantime, enjoy the html version below. I guess. If that's your thing.
Celebrities Who Don't In Any Way Look Like Our Favorite Cable News Personalities
The first thing Jon did was attempt to mimic the success of the Celebrity Doppelgangers slideshow by going in a slightly different direction. The editors didn't think this version was too interesting. Also, the list of combinations gradually became too long and unwieldy.
What Are The Spirit Animals Of Our Favorite Cable News Personalities?
One of the editors then suggested that Jon make a slideshow about what animals cable news people looked like. Jon thought that was a little cliche and attempted to go in a slightly more spiritual direction. Unfortunately, he was spending too much time researching Native American folklore and the slideshow was canceled.
What Color Aura Do Our Favorite Cable News Personalities Have?
Stung by the failure of the Spirit Animals slideshow, Jon tried to tick with the spiritual idea. However, this was considered too "New Age-y" by the editorial staff. Also everyone got in a huge fight over what color Joe Scarborough was. It got ugly.
How Would Our Favorite Cable News Personalities Fare During A Zombie Apocalypse?
At that point, Jon decided to go in a completely different direction. He realized this would be the perfect place for him to finally showcase his unpublished
The Five horror fan fiction. Editors told him that a slideshow wasn't really the place to showcase his personal writing. They also felt that the lengthy scene in which Dana Perino eats Bob Beckel's face was slightly too graphic.
If Our Favorite Cable News Personalities Were Parts of My Lunch, Which Would They Be?
Running out of ideas, Jon attempted to just get ideas from the stuff sitting on his desk. No one liked it.
If Our Favorite Cable News Personalities Were Keys on My Keyboard, Which Would They Be?
And then things just got silly.
Which Mediaite Slideshow Is Most Like Our Favorite Cable News Personalities? (SLIDESHOW)
This slideshow was quickly canceled as Jon was told that no one likes meta humor. Ever.
The Slideshow You Are Now Reading
Having given up, Jon just made the slideshow you are now reading. Which isn't meta. At all.
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