Dear Person Who Is Considering Buying the Denny’s “Grand Cru Slam,”
Congratulations — you’ve officially bought into something that should never, ever, exist.
We get that this is all in good fun, after all. It’s Denny’s, for chrissakes! You used to go there tanked in high school! It’s all in good fun! Now you’re an adult with real cash flow and figure you’ll make this into an ironic meal! (Or you just happen to really love Grand Slam breakfasts, but really?)
We know that champagne and fried food pairings are like, a thing. But really, you’re going to buy Dom Perignon to go with your $15 breakfast? This is when you kick it back to college days and sneak in bottles of Andre in your bag! Andre and Grand Slam breakfasts are made for each other, not Dom Perignon and Grand Slam breakfasts.
And frankly, if you’ve found $300 burning a hole in your pocket that just can’t be resolved, you can do better with that money. Did you know that New York is kind of the mecca of food? Did you know that you can get really legit tasting menus at some of the best restaurants in the world for less than what you’re about to pay for that Grand Slam champagne nonsense?
Here are some better tasting menu options for you, if we can sway you from your terrible decision-making.
Gramercy Tavern: $120 for six courses ($102 for vegetarian option); or $48 for four courses on the “Today Menu” in the bar room
Empellon Cocina: $45 for five dessert courses
Juni: $90 for four courses
Contra: $55 for five courses
Acme: $65 for nine vegetarian courses
Huertas: $55 for five courses ($85 for five courses with drink pairings!)
Le Bernadin (also known as Le Berna-freakin-din): $45 for three courses in the lounge area ($5 goes to City Harvest)
See? All that, and you can still get your champagne on and make out with money to spare.
So really, don’t do this to yourself. Don’t do this to the good Dom Perignon name, don’t do this to the good Denny’s name, and don’t do this to your friendly bartender. High-fives are not acceptable in this case.
Have a tip we should know? firstname.lastname@example.org