Bird Flu Pulls A Justin Timberlake, Goes On Comeback Tour In China By Killing Six People

Ugh, can you believe that hack bird flu? Like, seriously, the last time it was popular was back in 2003, when the poultry-borne influenza went viral and hit 8,000 people worldwide, killing one-tenth of them. But after a long hiatus where it decided to try its hand at acting, taking on roles like “Swine Flu” and “SARS” (y’know, roles where it had to stretch itself artistically), bird flu has decided to stage a comeback tour by returning to the thing it does best: killing six people and infecting 18 in Shanghai, China.

And just like last time, people everywhere are going CRAZY over bird flu’s resurgence, with retailers reportedly selling out of thousands of copies of uninfected chicken, and public health officials trying to control hundreds of thousands of chickens with from spreading their bird flu-mania by killing them all.

But critics like the World Health Organization are, like us, confused by why anyone’s obsessing over bird flu’s comeback tour (and its new obsession with suits and ties). Reuters reports that the WHO “reiterated there was no evidence of ongoing human-to-human transmission of the virus,” but that it was doing gangbusters on iTunes and YouTube with its fancy, dance-based music videos.

When asked for comment, a rep for bird flu confirmed that the virus planned on appearing on Saturday Night Live with its best friend, Andy Samberg, though they did not answer whether they’d revisit favorite viral hits like “(Dead) Chick in a Box.”


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