Furor Rises Over Newest Ingredient In Cracker Jacks: Cafffeine

The newest prize in a box of Cracker Jacks? A caffeine-induced epileptic seizure. (Hooray!)

The geniuses at Frito-Lay recently announced that they would soon start producing an adulterated version of the childhood sweet Cracker Jacks for adults. Known as Cracker Jack’d, the candy popcorn will also include caffeine, providing the strangest version of a caffeine delivery mechanism that we’ve come across.

Naturally, the killjoys at the Center for Science in the Public Interest are trying to halt the sale of Cracker Jack’d, writing an angry letter to the FDA.

“The way things are going, I fear that we’ll see caffeine, or coffee, being added to ever-more improbable drinks and snacks, putting children, unsuspecting pregnant women and others at risk,” CSPI executive director Michael F. Jacobson told the New York Daily News. “How soon before we have caffeinated burgers, burritos or breakfast cereals?”

Frito-Lay insists that Cracker Jack’d will only be marketed towards adults, which means that they’re going to have to decorate the box to look like an Excel spreadsheet or something. Nevertheless, we can’t help but wonder what else Frito-Lay has up their sleeve: will they put THC in Munchies? Nicotine in Rold’s Golds? LSD in Sun Chips? The possibilities are endless.


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