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WATCH: Stephen Colbert Compares Chick-fil-A Cluster-Cluck To The Civil War

If you’d like to infuse your morning with some rich punning work, look no further: Stephen Colbert is here to save the day. But besides great chicken puns, Stephen tackled the Chick-fil-A issue, yet again, this time comparing its Appreciation Day, imagineered by Mike Huckabee, to the Civil War. No, but really. Colbert makes such great points as:

“It’s like the Civil War, if you replace slavery with waffle fries.” CHURCH.

And, speaking of Church, if my twelve years of Catholic schooling serve me, Stephen recites a pretty impressive Nicene Creed at the close of the segment to illustrate how Dan Cathy and the leagues of parishioners bussed by their churches to the nearest Chick-fil-A, only to ride back to their places of worship and take photos of themselves holding up bags of chicken on the altar (yeah, that happened somewhere) are upholding the true meaning of the legend of Jesus: chicken.

Stephen also comes of out of the closet as a proud heterosexual (“We’re straight, we’re great, you’re used to it.”) and offers businesses struggling in the current economic climate political issues to align themselves with in order that they might have record sales days like Chick-fil-A’s. For example, he throws Pringles a transvaginal ultrasound slogan that you’re just going to have to watch the clip to hear.

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