Texas Man Attacks Waitress with ‘Six-Inch Sword’ and Demands Free Tacos

For once, the weird food news isn’t coming from Florida: a Texas man wielding a sword demanded that the waitress at a San Antonio restaurant comp his tacos, then ran away (with a sword) when she refused.

Adam Kramer, a 28-year-old man with a sword, allegedly told the waitress at Alondras De Jalisco that if he didn’t get his tacos for free, “someone would die,” probably with a sword. According to local television station KSAT, Kramer walked outside the restaurant mid-rant to answer a phone call (?!??!) and the quick-thinking waitress locked him and his sword outside.

Oh, did we say “sword?” We meant “pointy sharp real-world Freudian metaphor”:

 The waitress told Bexar County sheriff’s detectives that when Kramer was told he’d had to pay, he began pulling a sword in and out of a six-inch sheath on his waist, the affidavit stated.

Authorities later linked Kramer to another incident, where he attempted to use his penis six-inch sword to get free gas, but ended up paying $20 to fill his tank.

Have you ever been overwhelmed by the infinite choices and possibilities that life branches out into? That’s our feeling with the endless penis jokes we could make with this story.


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