Every year, we plan our Super Bowl parties and really only stop talking when the commercials come on. And every year, we are more dumbfounded by the #brandbowl and the stupid ads we see.
Still, not every food Super Bowl ad was a complete loser. We got adorable puppies and polar bears, Snoop Lion acting like Snoop Lion, and complete and total pandering by junk food companies trying to win our hearts again. That was probably the most entertaining, actually (but we swear to God, if you have to use McDonald’s as an excuse to call your mother YOU ARE DEAD TO US). Our top food Super Bowl ad picks of 2015:
Best Use of CGI/ Outdated Cultural References: Snickers
You have to admit, you chuckled a little bit at the newest take of being “hangry.”
Best Use of Animals: Avocados of Mexico
Hotly contested because of, you know, puppy explosion in every ad ever, but — if you did not instantly chuckle at that polar bear, YOU HAVE NO SOUL. Well done, avocados.
Best Use of Puppies: Budweiser
Goddamn the puppies.
Best Use of a Douchebag: Doritos
What, did you think we’d actually get through a Super Bowl #brandbowl without one guy acting like a d-bag to get a girl? Betches with babies, no fair! /sarcasm
Best Use of a Celebrity to Fat-Shame You: Weight Watchers
We will never get over Aaron Paul’s sexy voice, but not when it starts bashing us for wanting to eat a nacho chip, Jesus. Cheap junk food = drugs, as always.
Runner-Up for Best Pandering to Win Back Consumers: Coca-Cola
Sugar water will make you happy, godd*mn it!
Best Pandering to Win Back Consumers: McDonald’s
That’s one way to get anyone, just literally one person, to buy a McDonald’s Big Mac after a sh*t year of sales. We certainly don’t want to be guilted to calling our moms just because we want some fast food.
Best Use of Snoop Lion: Eat 24
Why is it not all that surprising that Snoop Lion would be shilling out for food delivery services? When you’re that stoned all the time, you need people to deliver egg rolls for you.
Best Hypocrisy: Budweiser
HAHAHA OH CRAFT BEER NERDS BUNCHA NERDS DRINKING THEIR “PUMPKIN PEACH” ALE. Oh wait, remember how you just bought Elysian Brewing Company and they totally have a beer just like that? Remember how anyone with a taste bud (except for David Chang, evidently) still hates you? Got it.
Worst Sexism Ever with Food Porn: Carl’s Junior
We don’t actually know why we’re even surprised by this one. Go ahead and objectify women, Carl’s Junior. There’s no changing you even if we tried.
Have a tip we should know? [email protected]