They’re Done: 7-Eleven to Serve Slurpees in Mason Jars with Moustache Straws

Mason jars, just go home. Stunning moustaches, party’s over. Because what the hell were you thinking by hanging around 7-Eleven? You know we ain’t cool with those clowns.

Seriously, this is happening. “It was only a matter of time,” the company said in a press release. “They’re seemingly everywhere – on party supplies, clothing, jewelry, candy, decals, at ‘stache bashes, in party photo booths, even on cars and baby pacifiers.”

Oh no you don’t, 7-Eleven. Don’t you dare desecrate the moustache and mason jar any further:

“People in our office have unofficially named the four mustache styles,” Gordon said. “The British, the handlebar, the Hogan after wrestler Hulk Hogan, and the Swanson, as in Ron Swanson, a character on NBC’s “Parks and Recreation” sit-com series played by Nick Offerman. I think it will be interesting to see which mustaches sell best. Of course, people can buy all four to match their Slurpee moods or if they want to slurp incognito.”

Selling these refillable plastic containers with your stupid straws for 99 cents wasn’t enough? Now you have to drag great men to your level?

Let’s face it, we knew that mason jars and moustaches would be done with soon. It’s just sad to see it be killed by 7-Eleven.

[h/t Gawker]

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