Thomas Keller Replaces Foie Gras Doggie Biscuits With Chicken Liver Mousse

There are two days left until Foiemageddon, and the air is thick with lament. But with all of this talk about engorged duck livers and farmers moving their businesses and chefs angry over the loss of a great ingredient and diners wondering where they’ll get their lobes served on gold platters, there are innocent, suffering animals who we’ve overlooked. Animals whose voices cannot be heard, for they cannot speak.

I’m speaking, of course, about rich people’s dogs.

A recent Wall Street Journal article on the Last Days of Foie Gras in California depicts a bacchanalia of chefs cooking foie gras extremely hedonistic preparations (foie gras-infused vodka! Foie gras ice cream!). Also included is Thomas Keller, who is switching out the extremely expensive ingredient in his doggie biscuits from Bouchon Bakery (which cost $14 a piece) with…chicken livers.

Mister Keller, how could you? Sir, how dare you? The pain dealt to these pugs, the deprivations made to these dachshunds, the sufferings of these shih tzus! The very act of replacing their foie gras biscuits with (frankly) bourgeois chicken livers is not only an insult to their owners and their lifestyle, it is a very affront to the humanity of these dogs.

What do you propose these dogs to do now, now that you have Bernie Madoff’ed their way of life?! What will my Pooky Precious do without his foie gras dog biscuits?  Why won’t anyone think of the dogs?

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