WATCH: ‘Organic Water’ That’s Made Out Of Juice? Must Be The Product Of A Ludicrous Kickstarter

Hi, there. Are you enjoying your Sunday? Because we were — we had plans to make a lovely green mango salad for a friend’s birthday party, and everything! — but then we found this Kickstarter that’s pitching normal, clear water extracted from nine fruits. Really. They’re turning juice into water, like some sort of no-fun Jesus.

Koa Water understands how this concept might be mindboggling to the less-enlightened. “A water made from juice? Yes, indeed,” they write, wiggling their little handlebar mustaches and doffing their straw boaters. “We use a unique technology to clarify a blend of nine juices into liquid amazingness!” But the liquid amazingness…is essentially water, but with all the “nutrients” and none of the icky sugars that fruit’s so disgustingly full of. (With that logic, our green mango salad is as nutritionally healthy as a Carvel ice cream cake. OH GOD WE DON’T WANT TO BE MANGO FAT.)

The best part of Koa: it’s “sustainable,” “biodegradable,” and “warps the very definition of ‘sustainable’ and ‘biodegradable'”! Let these cool people on balance boards explain themselves to you, and why you should give them $50,000.

[h/t Francis Lam]

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