It’s only April, but we can safely say this: tie-dye food is the worst trend of 2016.
No one can just make food anymore. It’s not just a burger. It’s a burger with an egg on it. It’s not just pizza. It’s pizza with brussels sprouts and bacon and uni and truffle oil and a ramen burger and a poached egg and fried chicken and hot honey and sriracha (OMG NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND I PUT SRIRACHA ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING) on it. Stop googling what restaurant that pizza is from. We just made it up.
But at least adding a fried egg or bacon to something usually makes it taste good. And please, don’t get rid of the ramen burger.
But, grilled cheese is now tie-dye. And this madness has to stop. Because this does not look delicious, it looks horrifying:
If you haven’t met the “Unicorn Grilled Cheese,” here it is. Unicorn is not a prefix that should go in front of grilled cheese. Acceptable prefixes for grilled cheese might include ‘bacon,’ ‘three,’ ‘cheddar,’ ‘truffle,’ or even ‘fried.’ But not Unicorn. Never Unicorn.
You know what’s a perfect food? Grilled cheese. Delicious, hot melted cheese sandwiched between two slices of glorious buttery toasted bread. You know what it doesn’t need? Anything else. You know what it definitely doesn’t need? For the cheese to stop looking like cheese. What have you done to my grilled cheese?
I’ll admit, I was pretty mesmerized by this video from Business Insider:
But, that doesn’t look like something savory I want to eat. To me, a bagel has sesame seeds, and usually has cream cheese and a bunch of smoked fish stuffed into the middle of it. That is not a bagel. That looks like play dough.
Once the video came out, people went so nuts that The Bagel Store had to close to keep up with demand. All of that so that people could Instagram bagels that looked like they came out of the mind of a deranged Cold Stone employee. How can one possibly put fish on that?
‘Tie-Dye’ is not an improvement. Save the Tie-Dye for cake. Unless the trend is actually improving upon the taste, please leave my delicious food as it was intended to be.
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