Trevor Noah Mocks Frantic Speculation Over What Mueller Would Announce: ‘Just Wait a God-Damned Hour’
Daily Show host Trevor Noah took dead aim at cable news channels’ compulsion for wild speculation in a segment that mocked their many, frantic guesses about what Robert Mueller would discuss in his first public statement as Special Counsel on Wednesday: “Will the news just wait a god-damned hour to see what Robert Mueller actually says?”
In clip after clip, Noah showed how between the time Mueller’s appearance was first announced and when he finally broke his silence about the investigation, CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News unleashed a torrent of pure guesses onto their viewers as to what he might talk about.
“The big question is: What exactly will he address? Will he get into the substance of the report?”
“Will he contradict the Attorney general?”
“Will he defend the investigators?”
“Will he say anything about Congress?”
“Will Robert Mueller only talk about part one of the Mueller report and not part two?”
“Will he resign? Will he rebut the report? Will he address his public testimony?”
Noah, aghast at the volume of baseless speculation from ostensible news shows, chimed in with his own: “Will he bring sexy back or will he tell us he’s replacing Adam Levine on The Voice?
“I don’t understand. I will never understand, why cable news is so obsessed with predicting something that we are all going to find out anyway,” Noah said. “All of these people on the news would make the worst Planet Earth narrators ever…It would be chaos. ‘The lion is about to attack. Will it work? Will the gazelle get away? Will the buffalo stampede, completely screwing everything up? I think there is a chance the gazelle might even eat the lion. We don’t know what is going to happen. This is madness. We are trying to figure this out.'”
Watch video above, via Comedy Central.
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