In the midst of a summer news drought, Newsweek resorted to a cover about the timeless story of NASA’s search for extraterrestrials that could have worked equally well in 1969, 1999 or 2009. As a daily website, we know better than anyone how barren the late summer’s news landscape has been, but this is what we “need to know” now?

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Mediaite Grade (C): The generic earth-from-space photo and peripheral explosion remind us a little bit more of Bruce Willis and Armageddon than Sigourney Weaver and Aliens, but considering the dearth of timely stories, the visual is at least eye-catching. A closer look at the glowing mass in the corner reveals that Quentin Tarantino‘s Inglorious Basterds also made the cover, and for Newsweek, that seems a little desperate.

Though The Economist often relies on less than stellar graphics for their covers, this spare design comes complete with an impossibly vague headline. Hasn’t The Economist been pointing out “where it went wrong” for months — or even years — now? Though it’s good to see the mag sticking to its strengths, even without a real news peg, this late July issue couldn’t seem more snooze-worthy.

Mediaite Grade (D-): The colossal textbook front and center, “Modern Economic Theory,” sounds straight out of undergrad, but the graphic looks straight out of Microsoft’s 1999 clip art. And the melting effect should not have taken more than five minutes on Photoshop. The only thing that might motivate one to crack open this issue is “Summer camp for athiests.”

Time, too, managed to drum up a news-less angle for a summer cover, but at least it looks delicious! Anyone who saw their spring-time dream of a perfect beach body fade into a guilty “I should be at the gym” admission

is dying to know “The Myth About Exercise.”

Mediaite Grade (B): The kind-looking woman on the treadmill flashing her pearly whites seems pleasant enough until you realize she’s shooting a red laser beam from her right eye! Maybe the lo-fi dotted line is actually more akin to a thought bubble, but the point is, the cupcake of her desires appears both well-made and due to some well-placed sprinkles, extra-sugary. Maybe we’re just hungry but for a cover that could run at any old time, the story sounds pretty intriguing.

Margaritas and daiquiris are widespread summer favorites, but leave it to The Weekly Standard to inform us that cocktails needed a renaissance. With this reader base we’re not talking frozen drinks, and there are few things classier than a martini glass, but a painting of a martini glass? Now that’s high-brow.

Mediaite Grade (B-):The blues and grays of this cover contrast nicely with the citrusy drink, and the details add a familiar 21st century feel. But the writerly glasses,

laptop and smartphone might be presented a little too neatly, giving the whole thing an air of artifice and upward posturing. Plus, for a lone prominent headline, this one’s a hard sell.

COVER WARS WINNER: Even if all of these newsweekly stories seem undercooked or slightly irrelevant in one way or another, Time‘s exercise vs. cupcakes cover hits on the right summer mood: it’s fluffy, but fun. While we might pass on Newsweek‘s aliens to our little brother, and The Economist‘s umpteenth crisis cover to our grandpa, Time is the only one we might actually thumb through — if only to find more baked goods.

Tags: Cover Wars, Newsweek, The Economist, Time Magazine