With a straight face, The Daily Caller brings you this hard-hitting investigation into the insidious Islamic connections of the president’s future digs.
Eric Owens, the Caller‘s Education Editor and Pulitzer Prize Aspirant, penned the article exposing Obama’s geographical proximity to other stuff.
Owens, newshound on his game, writes:
The mammoth, multi-million-dollar mansion where President Barack Obama and his family will reportedly live after the first family exits the White House is located 1,096 feet from the Islamic Center of Washington — one of the largest mosques in the Western Hemisphere.
One-thousand-and-ninety-six linear American feet are all that separate the 44th president from a place that “holds wedding ceremonies, organizes language courses, offers counseling and makes available ample research material related to Islam,” Owens writes.
This is basically the Watergate equivalent of what happens when you build houses near things that are not houses.
Color me shellshocked. But if Owens’ Sherlockian prowess with Google Maps doesn’t blow your mind straight out of your skull, this next bombshell might:
In addition to the Islamic Center of Washington, the embassy of Oman and the former embassy of Iran are very close to Obama’s new mansion.
Truly, I am scooping aloe in wee fistfuls and mashing it furiously into my eyeballs having beheld such a blinding hot take.
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