How Joan Rivers Wanted Her Funeral to Go: ‘I Don’t Want Some Rabbi Rambling On’

In her 2013 book I Hate Everyone… Starting with Me, comedienne Joan Rivers detailed (perhaps tongue-in-cheek) how she’d like her funeral to play out.

Mashable highlighted the excerpt following Rivers’ death on Thursday. It includes having her hair billowing in the wind “like Beyoncé’s.”

Rivers wrote:

When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything’s in your name), I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action…I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don’t want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don’t want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing “Mr. Lonely.” I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyoncé’s.

Melissa is Rivers’ daughter.

Rivers died in New York after a throat procedure resulted in complications that left her unconscious.

Her funeral is scheduled for Sunday at the Temple Emanu-El in Manhattan, according to CNN.

[Image via Wikimedia Commons]

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