With primaries in Alabama and Mississippi tomorrow that are too close to call, according to polls, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney needs all the Southern fried mojo he can get. Victories in one or both of these primaries would go a long way to convincing people that Romney can win in the South, and possibly seal the fates of rivals Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum. To that end, Romney has brought out the big guns, campaigning in the states today with “You might be a redneck if…” comedian Jeff Foxworthy.
According to a press release from the Romney campaign, “On Monday, Jeff Foxworthy will attend Romney for President campaign events in Mobile, Alabama before heading to Mississippi for events in Biloxi and Richland.”
The three events are open to the press, and two are billed as “meet and greet” events.
In recent weeks, Romney’s inability to “connect with voters” has been exacerbated in the South, so while Foxworthy may be popular in the region, I’m not sure how a Romney/Foxworthy team-up will play. It could serve to simply highlight the contrast between Romney and the average Southerner, and give the impression that Romney is laughing at them, and not with them.
I’m nothing if not generous, though, so to help Mitt Romney connect with voters during his Foxworthy swing, I’ve come up with some material that he can use, with apologies to Mr. Foxworthy:
- Corporations are rednecks, too, my friend!
- You might be a redneck if… you wear shitty plastic rain ponchos!
- You might be a redneck if… you root for NASCAR teams instead of owning them!
- You might be a redneck if… you can’t home school your kids until you find a place to park!
- You might be a redneck if… you keep your pair of Cadillacs on the front lawn!
- You might be a redneck if… you sell your house, your car, and your trucker hat collection, and you still can’t make a $10,000 bet!
- You might be a redneck if… you already like grits!
- You might be a redneck if… I fire you!
- You might be a redneck if… I’m not concerned about you!
- You might be a redneck if… the car you strap your dog to the roof of has a sticker on the bumper depicting the Confederate flag!
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