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No One Can Figure Out Why the Russian Military Spent $26,000 on Five Dolphins

Tursiops_aduncus,_Port_River,_Adelaide,_Australia_-_2003In the world of geopolitical warfare, it’s fair game to assume that other countries are always considering new methods of advancement that we know nothing about. Take for instance the newest addition to the military alongside the Armed Forces of the Russian Federation: five bottlenosed dolphins.

NBC News is reporting that Russia’s Ministry of Defense purchased the mammals for $26,000, and there is no known reason at this time as to why.

The military is getting the dolphins from Moscow’s Utrish Dolphinarium, who will provide three male and two female dolphins by August 1; each dolphin must meet specific requirements as part of the agreement before being shipping to Sevastopol, Crimea, part of the Federation’s 2014 annexation effort.

While NBC News points out that dolphins have been used historically in military affairs — “In the 1960s, the United States and Soviet Union ran competing programs to train the cetaceans for military uses, including torpedo and mine detection, and even the interception of underwater spies,” — there is probably a far more likely reason behind the acquisition of the animals. The jig is up, Putin: we know all about the dolphins with frickin’ laser beams scheme.

J.D. Durkin (@jiveDurkey) is a columnist at Mediaite.
[image via Wikipedia Commons]
[h/t NBC News]

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