Someone Drank a Bottle of Fireball in James Garfield’s Tomb and Then Stole All His Spoons
An unidentified someone or someone(s) (let’s hope it was plural) had a raucous time in the tomb of late President James A. Garfield, a party that ended with the theft of thirteen commemorative spoons from Garfield’s inauguration.
“We were like, really? They took spoons?” the president of the Cleveland-based Lake View Cemetery said.
The spoons, which feature engravings of Garfield’s mug, are of little monetary value, and it’s unlikely the perpetrators would be able to sell them without arousing suspicion. Smart money has it the utensils were swiped merely as way of proving someone had broken in. Officials also found several cigarette butts and an empty bottle of Fireball, so that was a good tell, too.
This is, of course, just another in a long line of iniquities for Garfield, who was assassinated after only 200 days in office — as opposed to Fireball, which just tastes as if you’ve been shot.
[h/t Washington Post]
[Image via screengrab]
Have a tip we should know? firstname.lastname@example.org