As the terrible video and images of the oil spill in the Gulf continue to flood the airwaves, many are looking to the government and oil companies to see how they will fix it. I began looking at myself and wondering what I can do to help. I’ve come up with kind of a strange solution, but one that makes perfect sense if you think about it. That’s right, I’m buying a Vespa.

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I’m the type of person who has always wanted to make a big personality change but been to frightened to go through with it. For years I wanted to be a tough guy and get a tattoo. However, there was nothing on this planet that I could guarantee I would never change my mind about (What would happen if, one day, I decided I didn’t like my mother anymore? That “MOM” tattoo would look pretty foolish). And in college, after a Clint Eastwood marathon, I wondered if I could shift my wardrobe to “cowboy-themed,” but do it

slowly and subtly enough that no one would notice until it was too late.

One big change, though, that has always been burrowing in the back of my head has been my desire to go out and buy a Vespa. It all started during a whirlwind trip to Europe a few years back. When I returned to my beloved US of A, my mind was flooded with plans on how to improve my life with the lessons I’d learned abroad. I was going to appreciate art more. I was going to eat variety of cheeses other than Cheddar and String. And, most importantly, I was going to get me one of those motorized scooters I had seen everyone whirring around in.

However, like all of my great plans for change that never actually came to fruition, the doubt came seeping in quickly. What if I never used it? Where would I store it? Would I ever be able to pull off the long, flowing hair that made the Euro-dudes look so cool when they rode them?

So, my Vespa plans went back up in the proverbial closet along with my cowboy boots. But, unlike the boots, they weren’t content to stay there. They kept gnawing at me over the years. Popping up whenever I saw one on the street, heard one out my window, or misheard the name of a certain Bond girl. Most importantly though, I kept remembering my dreams whenever I read articles

about America’s growing oil addiction. And then, once the news of the spill in the Gulf hit, I knew it was time.

I assumed that getting a Vespa would lower my gas consumption so I checked out the official Vespa site. Fortunately for me, the company had all the information right there waiting for me as part of their “Vespanomics” program. While I was half-hoping that this was the name of a really strange Bennifer-style celebrity romance, it turns out that “Vespanomics” was their new approach to advertising the benefits of using a motorized scooter.

I read through all the information on how the government could easily reduce the country’s oil consumption by creating benefits for those using low-fuel options and skimmed until I got to the stuff that really affected (oh yeah, I’m greedy). And there, easy to read, were the following figures:

“• Scooters, on average, can travel 50-70 MPG • To fill an empty tank, a scooter costs approximately $5, compared to about $50 tofill an SUV • Driving a scooter costs less than half the cost of driving an automobile. Estimatedsaving is 58 percent• Vespas and similar scooters reduce emissions by approximately .40 lbs/mile vs. the average car, which, when applied to driving 15,000 miles per year equates to approximately 6,000 lbs of emissions or a 65% reduction• Vespas offer a reduction of 1,500 lbs of carbon dioxide emissions if

compared to a hybrid vehicle”

Every day, as the oil spill grows worse and worse, how could I not take heed of these figures. I always wanted a Vespa, now I had a reason to buy them besides just “wanting to look cool.” And this reason was a really damn good one. So, I’m doing it. I’m going Italian.

As for the long, flowing Vespa hair…yeah, I’m never gonna pull that off. Maybe I’ll just staple a wig to the inside of my helmet.

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