While there are plenty of wholesome, patriotic films that you can see during this long weekend — and trust us, considering the rain on the east coast, you’re definitely staying in — it’s easy to run the risk of accidentally watching some traitorous anti-American propaganda filth. Worse, it’ll end up on the Netflix account you share with your parents and friends, and, well, you’re gonna have to explain to them why you were watching Nazi torture porn. (The Founders would not have approved of that.)
Here are the films you should definitely not watch on July 4th:
Triumph of the Will
While there’s something to be said of watching this film and thinking, “Ha, Nazis! We destroyed you,” anti-American Nazi propaganda may come across as a tad inappropriate for your July 4th film viewing.
Birth of a Nation
Avoid this one, especially if you’ve invited your black neighbors over for the barbecue.
Innocence of Muslims
Come on. If you read Mediaite, you know why watching this on the 4th would stir up all kinds of bad feelings. We don’t need to spell it out for you. Oh? We do?
It’s a bad idea.
Because there’s nothing more anti-4th than a movie presenting a possible future of our nation should our collective culture continue down the path of corporatist mediocrity and anti-intellectualism. Independence Day is probably not the right time to gleefully call your fellow Americans a bunch of idiots.
Ilsa: She-Wolf of the SS
Seriously! Don’t watch Nazi films on the 4th! We don’t care if there are boobies! No!
Planet of the Apes
SPOILERS: America is destroyed by apes. Hegemony over.
Song of the South
…Unless, of course, whitewashing slavery to the point where Uncle Remus is skipping through Technicolor Slave Plantation Land with singing animated bunnies is your thing. Then go ahead.
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