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CNN Tortures Correspondent by Making Her Report Hourly on a Riverbank in -15° Weather

Boasting that they had sent a “California girl” to the depths of the polar vortex on Monday, CNN repeatedly made correspondent Stephanie Elam trudge onto the banks of the Mississippi River in Minneapolis—current temperature -18° F with a windchill of -44° F — to report first-hand on the “historic and life threatening” cold enveloping the central states.

Bracketed by chyron alarms of “dangerous conditions” and warnings from authorities not to go outdoors unless it was absolutely necessary, the Los Angeles-based Elam bundled up at noon to report that:

  • It’s so cold crime is going down.
  • It’s so cold her cup of boiling hot water turned into a snowball in the time of her segment.
  • It’s so cold that authorities are “saying make sure you don’t go anywhere,” like the banks of the Mississippi.

Elam bundled up at 1:00 to report that:

  • It’s so cold you can see stream coming off the river.
  • It’s so cold “it doesn’t take long for the shivers to start setting in.”
  • It’s so cold that police “have been out patrolling for people who were in danger, who needed to get inside,” like Elam.
  • It’s so cold that there “are more domestic disputes, because people are caged up at home.”

Elam bundled up at 2:00 to report that:

  • It’s so cold “I would be happy to take one-degree weather.”
  • It’s so cold “the police said they have taken their focus and changed it off of just looking at crime to looking for people who may be in need of getting to a shelter, who need to get to a hospital.”
  • It’s so cold “they closed down the schools for cold. Not for snow, for cold.”
  • It’s so cold “it’s very dangerous conditions out here. They don’t want people to take chances.” Chances like standing at a riverbank at the top of every hour?

Behold her transformation:

Watch a mashup of Elam’s segments, and pray for her:

[Image via screengrab]

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