Colbert Is Terrified of America’s First Lesbian ‘Throuple’

Last night, Stephen Colbert identified the latest threat to “traditional message”: three women from Massachusetts who claim they have formed the first married “throuple.” As Colbert said after hearing the news, “Excuse me, I just ‘throupled’ a little bit in my mouth.”

“This is a massive affront to traditional marriage,” Colbert said. “It’s Adam and Eve. Not Madam and Eve, and Sheila.” Not only that, it’s an “affront to traditional threesomes.”

For more insight on the matter, Colbert quoted “Fox News contributor and definitely not a lesbian” Todd Starnes, who wrote on Facebook about the “throuple,” “When you redefine marriage, it’s anything goes.” He also cited The Washington Times editorial board, which wrote of the arrangement, “When the Supreme Court eviscerated authentic marriage last year, this was foretold.”

Following Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s “slippery slope” argument, Colbert said, “Sodomy leads to gay marriage, which leads to ‘throupling,’ which inevitably leads to ‘threestiality,’ ‘fivenication,’ and whatever word they come up with for one dude and 10 snakes in a box. I’m going to say, ‘hissy fit?'”

Watch video below, via Comedy Central:

[Photo via screengrab]

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