With all the depressing news in the world last night, Stephen Colbert decided to tackle a lighter-hearted subject: The child refugee crisis along the Mexican border.
“This is a clear humanitarian crisis, and I want to be clear about something,” he stated: “I am a human. I am not a monster. And I care for these kids so very publicly.”
He then praised his “fellow conservatives” for publicly caring for these immigrant children, while simultaneously shunning them for absurd reasons: They might be gang members, they might be carrying ebola viruses, and the federal government is enabling them by putting them up in luxurious motels with free cockroaches. He singled out the Arizona congressional candidate who attempted to blockade a bus full of children, only to find out later they were YMCA campers, and praised him for his vigilance.
“DO NOT APOLOGIZE!” Colbert screamed. “I for one never trust campers. Think about it: They’re sent to remote locations, where they are trained to use deadly weapons, so they can capture our flags!”
Watch below, via Comedy Central:
[Image via screenshot]
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