“If you watch the news, you know that conflicts continue to rage all around the world,” Stephen Colbert said at the top of his show last night. “And tonight I am sad to report another international dispute that has erupted in senseless violence.” Of course, he was talking about this week’s fight between Justin Bieber and Orlando Bloom.
As Colbert explained it, Bloom split with former wife Miranda Kerr, collectively known as “Morlando Blur,” after she started spending time with Bieber (becoming “Mustin Keebler”). Meanwhile, Bloom started hanging with with Bieber’s girlfriend Selena Gomez (forming “Sorlena Blomez”), “possibly in retaliation to Bieber’s alleged aggression into the disputed territory of Miranda Kerr’s fertile crescent.”
Finally, Colbert turned to Pope Francis I for his “eloquent plea for peace.”: “That was uncool Justin. In the words of Ezekiel, ‘bros before hoes.'”
Watch video below, via Comedy Central:
[Photo via screengrab]
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