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Confused About The Sex Charges Against Julian Assange? Let Beck And His Blackboard Explain

BeckLet’s get one thing straight: Glenn Beck doesn’t support Julian Assange. But the same time, Beck is also skeptical about and confused by the sex crime charges that led to Assange’s recent arrest. And if Glenn Beck is puzzled, he knows you must be too. That’s why he trotted out his trusty blackboard during today’s show and used it to carefully explain exactly why Assange was taken into custody. Gather ’round, children!

The story, according to Beck, goes a little something like this: Assange’s first accuser, Woman #1, met Assange at a seminar hosted by the Swedish Brotherhood Movement, a “far-left group” with “anti-Semitic ties.” Beck calls her a well-known radical feminist with a penchant for revenge. She invited Assange to stay at her house, where the two had mutually consensual sex, until the condom broke. The next night, an “attractive, young, adoring female fan” sat in the front row of Assange’s seminar and caught his eye. Woman #1 introduced Woman #2 to Assange, a moment Beck reenacts using a truly marvelous falsetto.

Assange—”a player,” says Beck—saw a movie with #2, then left her to attend a party thrown in his honor by #1. (“Remember, Woman #1 had supposedly been raped the night before, but here she is organizing a party in his honor,” Beck notes. This “doesn’t exactly fit the profile of someone who’s been sexually assaulted,” according to him; we didn’t know Beck was an expert in interpreting the psyches of assault victims.) A day or two later, Assange and Woman #2 had consensual sex, once with a condom and once without; it’s the second incident that #2 is construing as “sex by surprise.”

Clearly, a story with this many details could only be properly explained by someone using props and funny voices. Watch Beck’s segment from Fox News below.

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