Counteracting the devastating news that the United States’ Agricultural Department — comprised solely of crotchety old men scheduled to meet with no less than three (3) ghosts — is adding a 15 cent charge to Christmas trees, The Five panelist Eric Bolling shared his abundance of Christmas spirit. And his penchant for sparkles.

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After a few requisite tree-related puns courtesy of Greg Gutfeld (I found them a bit sappy, personally. And did anyone else feel Gutfeld’s delivery was a little wooden? Fir real, y’all.), the focus turned to whether this charge would hurt President Obama’s chances at a second term (YES.), and then to Bolling’s “twisted” Christmas tree, which came adorned with a small sign reading “Obama’s Tax War on Christmas.”

RELATED: Fox News: The Christmas Tree Tax Will ‘Grinch’ Fifteen Cents Out Of Your Pocket This Year

Bob Beckel then offered something about someone’s red butt (?), which left everyone confused and worried, and cut to the core of the issue: The reason there is a push

to create a pricey marketing campaign for the humble Christmas tree is because unpatriotic people like Eric Bolling are off buying “disgustingly dirty, filthy” fake trees. Bolling retaliated by blaming atheists, somehow.

Have a look, via Fox News, and discuss whether “Muslim interloper” Barack Obama will ride his Prius into your homes Christmas morning, drink the milk you left out for Santa, and eat your entire Christmas roast before informing you that you look fat in your flannel pajamas:
Tags: Christmas, Eric Bolling, Fox News, The Five