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Just Try to Get Through the First Page of Todd Starnes’ New Book Without Laughing

Todd Starnes, you are the gift that keeps on giving.

For the uninitiated, Starnes is a Fox News commentator and resident “War on Christianity” huckster. If there’s a story involving foreigners, religion, sports, sex, or pretty much anything, you can bet Starnes will somehow show up (on Fox’s web and TV properties or on his delightfully terrible Twitter account) to try and scare fellow evangelicals into believing there’s a war on lowly ol’ Christian American folks being waged either by Muslims, atheists, “seculars,” Hollywood libruls, or “the homosexual agenda.”

His shtick can easily be summed up by the titles of his two latest books: Dispatches from Bitter America: A Gun Toting, Chicken Eating Son of a Baptist’s Culture War Stories and this year’s God Less America: Real Stories From the Front Lines of the Attack on Traditional Values.

So with that in mind, check out the first page of the latter book, due out next month. We dare you to get through it without laughing. There are just so many hilariously awful clichés going on at once. It is truly beautiful [via Amazon]:

When a virus was cleared up with a bowl of what?!?!?! We must know! (You actually can know, if you want to sit through the first six pages of the book.) You’re welcome, America.

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