Kimmel Roasts Trump’s Speech: He Interrupted Primetime to ‘Warn us About a Completely Made Up Thing’
Jimmy Kimmel roasted President Donald Trump‘s Oval Office speech on illegal immigration in his opening monologue Tuesday night, mocking the president’s delivery and attempts to cast the border situation as a crisis.
“This was Trump’s first address from the Oval Office,” Kimmel started. “Up until now, he’d been using it for Kardashian meet-and-greets. But tonight, he got very serious.”
Trump’s address, which came during a partial government shutdown over his demand for border wall funding, was aired on all broadcast and cable networks at 9 p.m.
“All the major networks covered his speech live, and for good reason,” Kimmel said. “It was historic. Rarely does a president of the United States interrupt primetime television to warn us about a completely made up thing.”
“His speech was about 10 minutes long, which, according to Stormy Daniels, is about eight minutes longer than he usually lasts,” Kimmel added.
The late night host joked that the networks, to address concerns about Trump’s tendency for dishonesty, aired the speech with a disclaimer: “The following presidential address is a work of fiction. All personalities, incidents, events, locations and facts were pulled directly from the president’s ass. Any resemblance to reality is entirely coincidental.”
“He did not mention the caravan that was coming to get us three months ago,” Kimmel noted. “I don’t know what happened to that, but I guess it disappeared when the election was done.”
“But he does want us to believe there is a crisis at the border besides the one he created,” Kimmel said, adding Trump made a “mistake” with his plan to push through his border wall:
“If you are Donald Trump — god forbid — and you make a dumb promise during your campaign, like 200 different times, to build a wall, and your plan to fulfill that promise you didn’t know you were going to have to fulfill is to get people panicked enough to waste five billion dollars on it, going on TV and telling us there are bad hombres sneaking over the border, that’s not going to do it. We have plenty of bad hombres here already.”
“If you really want to come up with a fake border crisis, make it a scary border crisis,” Kimmel joked, “don’t say there are illegal immigrants — say there is an army of chupacabras crawling in through Tijuana. Tell everyone they have red eyes, they’ve got sharp claws, and if we don’t stop them, they’re going to eat our children and our Instagram. That’s how you get people fired up.”
Kimmel also mocked Trump’s “sedated” delivery, joking “It’s like someone slipped a Xanax into his McFlurry this afternoon.”
Kimmel didn’t spare Democratic leaders Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi either: “I don’t know how many years Ryan and Kelly have left on their contract, but if Nancy and Chuck ever decide to team up and do a show, someone needs to get Gelman on the phone, because they are terrific.”
“That’s either a hall or the White House morgue, I’m don’t know,” he said.
Watch above, via ABC.
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