Julian Assange knows how to get people’s attention. The WikiLeaks leader, played by Bill Hader through the spirit of Vincent Price, interrupted a message from Mastercard on last night’s Saturday Night Live to taunt the world once again. His bid in the slammer, he said, is unjustified, though perhaps inevitable. “For those who terrorize the United States, there’s nowhere to hide,” he expressed with regret. “America will find you and punish you.” Oh, but one caveat: “Unless, of course, your name is Osama bin Laden.”
Dressed less like a prisoner and more like a gate-crasher at a cocktail party, the world’s Hacker-in-Chief enumerated the various acts of havoc he planned to wreak, one for each additional day he spends in jail. Perpetually smug-looking, Assange sipped on tea as he threatened to tamper with the things we hold most dearly—like free porn.
The list of pranks he’s ready to pull on major websites is truly frightening. He held over consumers’ heads the prospect of being shipped the book Everybody Poops (Amazon), having to go to Cleveland (Orbitz), and bad profile pictures (Facebook). “You know that one profile picture that makes you look thin? Boom, gone.”
Watch the dastardly Julian Assange threaten to take the angry birds out of Angry Birds in the NBC video below.
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