Many social conservatives were flabbergasted this week as a federal judge overturned California’s Proposition 8, allowing same-sex couples to marry in the state again. Naturally, Stephen Colbert is feeling their pain, but instead of simply grieving for the loss of, uh, “traditional gay values,” Colbert has an elaborate, flawless plan to make sure no gay people ever get married– and it involves an upscale dog grooming boutique.
Colbert has come to the logical conclusion that, now that a judge has ruled there is no logical reason to stop same-sex couples from marrying, the only solution is to turn all gay people against the idea of marriage for the rest of their lives. This involves an elaborate, CIA-level covert mission that may or may not involve wine tasting, interior decorating, and, uh, sex with another man.
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