comScore
video

When Memes Collide: Capt. Sully Says There’s No Need For Junk Touching At Airports

So the TSA says if you don’t want to step into the we-can-see-you-naked x-ray machine, you’ve got to let a gloved TSA employee run a hand over your lady or gentleman parts, all in the name of airport security.

But wait! In steps every American’s favorite pilot, the Hudson splash-landing hero of Flight 1549 fame, Sully Sullenberger, to say, you know what? Keep your hands to yourselves. “I can tell you from my perspective as an airline pilot for three decades, this just isn’t an effective use of our resources.”

Sully gracefully glided into the story just as the cable nets were whipping themselves into a junk-touching frenzy over the camera phone video of passenger John Tyner’s run in with the TSA at San Diego’s airport, telling agents he considered the uber-sensitive search to be, essentially, a sexual assault, advising agents (and creating a phrase that pays) “don’t touch my junk.”

On CNN’s American Morning Tuesday, anchor Kiran Chetry asked Sullenberger what he thinks of the pat down policy, paraphrasing John Tyner’s concerns this way: “I don’t want anybody but my wife and maybe my doctor touching me in the places these people are touching me.”

Sully, by the way, can land a passenger jet in a river without so much as getting a passenger wet, but he couldn’t stop the TSA from hand searching his own wife during a recent trip. (Hands off Mrs. Sully, you goons!) “She was touched in sensitive places,” said Sully.

Watch it here:

Have a tip we should know? tips@mediaite.com

  1. Mediaite
  2. The Mary Sue
  3. RunwayRiot
  4. LawNewz
  5. Gossip Cop